I ain't missing you at all, no matter what my friends say.

I was talking to my sister tonight and she told me she was watching A Cinderella Story. I love that movie. Honestly, I know how lame that is but there is something about it, something about believing in a fairy tale that I just love. That's what I want in my life and I know it's not realistic and it's silly but I want a fairytale love (and every girl is thinking don't we all). But there's an issue with me: I actually think in this manner. I can be a realistic and down to earth but when it comes to love I am completely delusional. I want all the things that I know are almost impossible. But if you catch me on the right day, I believe. I believe in love so deeply, so intensely, and so powerfully; it's magical.
The way I see love, the way I've felt love, it is simply just that: magic. I have felt that feeling of absolute contentness simply being near the boy I love. And I've felt torturous pain that I'd never take back and suffer through all day every day if it meant he was happy.
And tonight she said something about wishing she was in love again. And I said I want a boy to talk to all the time sit beside me while I study on a saturday night. And she said not a boy, the boy. And I said not yet, I just want a boy for now so that he can't get close enough to me to break my heart. At this point, she kinda got mad. She's like well that's a great way to look at life. And I understand what she's saying but at the same time, we all know how hard it is to get back in the ring and I said that to her. When you've really loved someone with everything that makes up your being, it is a big deal to even consider letting somebody else close to you. And I get so frustrated with the people who date someone for a month and say I love you, etc. because I am just the exact opposite of that. I don't tell people I love them when I don't because I would rather not have people tell me they love me when they don't. And you can use the word in many of ways but I mean truly, unconditional love. I don't want that yet. I'm too afraid. And I'd love to say I want that but in all honesty, if the opportunity presented itself, I don't think I'd be able to fully open up my heart to someone again. A piece of me will always belong to number twelve and I don't think that you can just move past that in a few months.
Anyways, I am now going to go watch A Cinderella Story so I can spend the remainder of my saturday night indulging in a bunch of fairy tale nonsense that will make me seriously miss number twelve and crave a connection like that.