Pain.

My head and neck hurt so much. I can barely move my head without it feeling sooo shitty. It hurts so much. I have a giant bump and turning my neck feels like death. I just want it to go away.

Immaturity.

Hahahahaha on a less serious note... I just tried to post weepies in my last post and it autocorrected to weenies hahahahahahahahahaha I'm literally laughing out loud because I am a 6 year old sometimes.

And the world spins madly on.

I thought of you and where you'd gone, and the world spins madly on.

-the weepies

Don't judge my choices if you don't understand my reasons.

Sometimes you have to care less in order to see if they'll care more.

Being free feels good.

I'm actually really proud of myself for going out and doing fun shit and being ridiculous and funny and acting 21 for once. Like I honestly love my life right now. I have no moral hangovers because I don't feel connected to number twelve anymore. I am finally free.
Free to be fun. Free to laugh. Free to be 21. Free to party. Free to be immature. Free to laugh at myself. Free of guilt. Free of obligations. Free of family drama. Free of friends. Free of the town I grew up in. Free of the people I used to love. Free of the person I used to be. Free to be me.

Studio problems

I'm pretty sure I have a concussion so that's awesome. Who pushes someone off a speaker at the bar? Apparently bitches who really like speaker dancing.

It's supposed to be give and take

I get frustrated sometimes because I do everything for certain friends and then I ask them to do something for me and they will do it only when it's convenient for them.

Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart.

I hate to break it to you but even if we're grown up, we're all still 15 at heart.

I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did.

I've been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end, but on a Wednesday, in a cafe, I watched it begin again.

Be thankful.

If you ever need a reality check about life and how lucky we are to live the way we do instead of take it for granted, read Night by Elie Wiesel. It is one of my favorite books ever written and it always puts life into perspective. It also makes me question the human race and our capabilities... My capabilities.

For the first time in a long time, it wasn't about him.

P: How's lethvegas?
Me: Good, super busy. Different.
P: Why?
Me: Just different. This year I've made some really good new friends. I have fun instead of miss Number 12. I don't spend my days looking forward to going home or to Calgary... It's just different

I'll never forget.

I haven't seen you in forever, Oh you haven't changed a bit, You didn't think that I would remember, How could I forget.
-Kenny Chesney

I swore I was fine.

I lived in your chess game but you changed the rules every day. Wondering which version of you i might get on the phone tonight, I stopped picking up

Men's Humor

"#Thatawesomemoment when you see your X-Girlfriend and she is now your XL-Girlfriend"
bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah literally laughing out loud right now hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha

hard days are the best days.

Today was the first holiday in probably five years that I haven't seen or spoken to number twelve. That was hard. JP and I had a really good talk on the way home, we both shed some tears. It's hard you know. Love, life, relationships.
Despite how hard of a day it was, it was a good day. This morning we had brunch and I looked at my niece and said how did you get so smart? She looks and me and says "God" without even skipping a beat. I seriously love that little girl; that is true love.

Honesty.

I'm thankful for

I just read another holocaust book and started another one. I am a selfish bitch and if I ever wanted to really be thankful and appreciative, now is the time.
I am so incredibly thankful for all that I have in my life. I am so thankful for y family. My momma and daddy and my sisters. I'm thankful for my brother too. And auntie. And I'm thankful for monkey. I am thankful for her bossiness and her hugs and the way she tells me she loves me especially when she says it because she knows she's in trouble. I am thankful for my nephew's smile and his giggle. I'm thankful for the shit eating grin the two of them give each other. I am just thankful. I don't say it enough. I don't appreciate how lucky I really am because I am always so worried about what I don't have. And when I do appreciate things, I don't always make it know. So thank you. And I appreciate it. Everything. Every minute of every day, especially the hard ones. Thank you.