You're the one that I want.

It's a love that's more than love.

In my head, I know I probably shouldn't have messaged him the other day. I haven't told anybody except S. I just don't want another friend to roll their eyes and say okay well you're gonna get hurt.
I guess I do it for reasons I cannot explain. I pride myself of being a pretty strong person. And when I hit the point where I actually messaged him, I knew it was because in the deepest, darkest most suppressed area of my soul, I needed to know he was okay. And I needed to be okay.
And I know that's stupid and irrational and absolutely insane, but it's true.
I feel lighter just having spoken to him. I cannot explain that feeling to someone else. You either understand it or you don't. I cannot put it into words for you. If you have never felt a constant, excruciating longing for someone then you cannot understand. And in all honesty, I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for people who haven't felt that. I know that it's difficult and I complain about it because it is a burden that weighs on my heart, but it's also the most whole my heart has ever felt.

Waking up from this nightmare.

How's your life? What's it like there? Is it all that you want it to be? Does it hurt when you think about me and how broken my heart is?

I'm fucking bat shit crazy.

I am completely irrational.