he said, you have no idea how incredible you are.

the other day i said,
"in a not cheesy way, you are the best thing that's ever been mine. every time i hear tswift sing that song it's all i can think. you are truly so incredible and so important to me. i can't explain to you how amazing you are and how much you mean to me. you're wonderful, don't ever forget it."

today was a fairytale.

how do you know? when you love someone i mean. is it just there and you know? is it love at first sight? or do you fall in love with someone and then you just reach a point where you can't imagine your life without them.

according to antelope hunter...

we're at the 'v' phase of our relationship. (number 12 and i of course) we haven't quite reached the love status. just the lov status. an 'e'. that's what we're waiting for.

i've started to realize i might be at the 'e'.

i've been thinking.

i used to think that there was one kind of love. well two, but in the sense of being "in love" there was only one.
lately, i've been thinking differently. i used to think that how i felt about sunshine is what it feels like to be "in love". if i were to describe how i felt in words (may i add that no words can describe how exactly i felt about him) how he made me feel, i'd say that i was so interested in everything in his life. his voice, his smile, his eyes, a simple text message took my breath away. i was willing to give up who i am for him, and i did. i was ashamed of where i come from and i always wanted to be who he needed me to be. i still lose my breath when i see him. and i still think about him probably daily. i thought it was the kind of thing that i would always plan my life around.
lately, i've been thinking i might be falling in love with number 12. it's different though. i don't lose my breath when i talk about him. i don't try to be someone i'm not though either. i don't feel like he's judging me, it's like he wants to be a part of my life and know me for who i am, not who he wants me to be. and yeah, we fight and we argue and we disagree on numberous things. but he's always there. he's always the one i go back to. when we aren't together i want to be with him. i miss him, little things. i hate when i can't just lay in his arms. i hate when i can't just have a big hug because we don't live in the same city. i want everything in his life to work out. it's entirely different. i can't even explain it. he's so important to me. it's not about this connection where we always know what's going on with the other one, we know when something's wrong we just i don't know.

instant replay.

hey handsome, what time is hockey today?
5:45 to be exact, why silly?
because i'm coming to calgary to get laid... just kidding i was just wondering but my other idea is fun too.
aww i'm soo disappointed now, i was so excited that's a fun idea.

job hunting.

i seriously hate job hunting and interviews and the whole concept. i much prefer the way most all of my jobs have come about... through a friend or a parent or an acquaintance. i really hate the awkward introducing yourself and trying to explain why you're awesome.. i'd really like to just say:
"look, i'm awesome. i work hard, learn fast and like this industry. if you are smart enough to give me a chance, it'll pay off for you. did i mention i'm cute too?"

if you're reading this...

dear s,
if you're reading this then i seriously miss your blog.
it kept my mind sane during school.
that is all.
love,
b.