golden oreos.

i think the term love is so over-used. especially the phrase 'i love you'. i'm sorry but if you're 17 and you have told all six of your boyfriends you love them, you have absolutely no idea what love is. i'm eighteen years old and have only ever truly loved one boy and i never even dated him. i have only said to one boy that i love them and truly meant it. and i don't understand how people just throw out 'i love you'. i told sofa king never to tell me he loves me. i've told number twelve never to tell me he loves me. i have called sofa king an 'i love you' slut to his face. i just think it isn't a casual phrase. love is not casual. it is so far from casual. it is beyond one's control. you cannot choose who you love and you cannot choose who loves you. it's just the way it is. you can care so much about a person and not be in love with them.
trust me, i wish i could fall in love with someone else.

cassis peche.

i am generally a water girl, i drink it all day. but there is this juice and it's so delicious it's unnatural. sun-rype light and refreshing blackcurrant peach. my sister drinks it from the 1.36L bottle. it is so tasty. it's replenishing. rejuvenating. it is so unbelievable. it's so light and refreshing. it's really low calorie and it has no artificial flavor. and no added sugar. it has a full day's supply of vitamin c in one serving and it is just sooooooo good.

little mr. know it all.

you know that kid in your class that has a comment for everything? you know the one i'm talkin about. it's ridiculous. they must comment on absolutely everything. i am all for being intelligent and well versed in your readings and class but come on. there is a kid in my history class who comments on everything and trys to tell my prof, who has a PhD i might add, that she is wrong or she doesn't know what she is talking about. like clearly she has a doctorate in history, she probably knows what she's talking about. 3 minutes. class was in for 3 minutes before he started beaking her. like what is your deal.

conformity.

i'm not usually one to buy into the brand name is better kind of thing in such things as uggs, sweats, etc. but today i went to lululemon because i had a gift certificate from christmas and i really truly believe their clothes are more comfortable than most yoga pants. i have quite a few pairs and yes, they are all comfortable, costco is great. but i do have another pair of lulu's and they are just more comfortable. it's just the way it is. today i bought super comfortable capri pants and the nicest pink yoga jacket. loveeee.

history of totalitarianism.

i should probably go to class now.

criminal minds.

last night i was watching criminal minds and it incorporated 'the choking game'. i'm sorry, maybe i am weird but i don't really think the words 'choking' and 'game' should ever be in the same sentence. i won't even eat artichokes based on the sheer principle that the word 'choke' is in it. i don't think choking yourself to get a high is a cool thing to do. it's not a game. it's not a fun activity. it's dangerous and cold cause suicide. suicide is not a game, it's not a joke. i've been suicidal and i wouldn't wish that feeling upon anyone. so anybody who thinks 'the choking game' is a good idea, give your head a shake. take a shot of tequila if you want a head rush. do a handstand against the wall. do not cut off your air supply. idiots.

tyra banks.

dear tyra,
you are amazing and i love you.
sincerely,
b.

contradiction.

i know how contradictory my last post and title are so here is my attempt at an explanation. i have been in love once in my life and it was the worst and best thing i've ever encountered. i have never cared so much about another person and i'd be lying if i said i don't still care. in reference to the 'trying not to get caught up', i'm trying not to get caught up in how much i loved him and how much i miss our friendship. it has hit me so hard lately and i am thinking about it way to much. but i really hate not knowing how he's doing, what's new in his life, and just if he still cares. i just hate the uncertainty. it's just so hard to actually face the fact he isn't in my life and i can't take back my decision. i don't know, maybe i'm crazy but i just miss the way it used to be sometimes. i'd give anything to feel like that again.

i'd like to fall in love please.

i wonder if you know i'm trying so hard not to get caught up now.

dear s,

i know that school and life makes you an extremely, extremely busy girl but i must say i am thankful for your blog.

strawberry banana yoptimal.

it's kind of weird that strawberry banana is my favorite kind of yogurt considering i hate bananas or anything banana flavoured.

education.

i am strongly considering taking education next year. i think it's what i really want to do.

midget aaa.

did i mention that by the excessive number of birthdays in the last week i also have to miss seeing number twelve and antelope hunter on sunday when they come to calgary. perfect.

poli-sci.

and now i get to do homework.... yaaay i love reading.
only not textbooks.

worst best friend.

soo my best friend whom i either refer to as tc or perhaps big brother is turning 19 on thursday. i find this depressing because i have class in calgary at 9am friday morning. and then i shall be home friday at 12 at the farside i presume. and saturday when they go to calgary i cannot go because my actual brother(brother-in-law) turns 30 the next day so we are having a surprise party for him. geezz i feel sooooo bad. i am a little down today =(

fearless is fighting the things that scare you to death.

today she asked me if i was depressed and i feel like i am so far from depressed. i am stressed out. and stress and depression are so far apart. i think i find myself overwhelmed sometimes because i always put everyone else first. i neglect myself most days. and i'll admit that part of that is so that i can pretend i haven't gone through more than most people my age can imagine in my life. i also like to avoid that i am not perfect and my life is not perfectly in order so i focus on others. she's like well what about sunshine and sofa king and number twelve and the fam and your friends. and all i could think was life isn't fair, it sucks sometimes but you have to deal with it. bravely move forward no matter how much you're hurting and how hard it is.

a blue pen.

i am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

beautiful mess.

i like to think highways heal broken hearts but right now i am such a mess it's ridiculous. i am so stressed, confused, baffled to the point of absolute exhaustion. not to mention i've been in excruciating pain for 3 days. i just do not understand boys or friends or family or life.
when will the overwhelming stress stop.