I think I'm falling in love with him. It's really the oddest thing. Our relationship is so adult. And I know how silly that sounds but it is. The other night I was so upset with him (and probably overreacted in my head a little) but when I spoke to him about it, I was so calm and he was so respectful about it. He apologized and recognized why I was upset and said he would try to handle it differently next time.
It's really weird and I can't explain it because I didn't feel that, "OH MY GOSH THIS IS IT" feeling. I have thought for my whole life that that's the person I want to be with. The one who gives me butterflies and uneasiness but I don't think it is anymore. Ironically my butterflies have grown over time. I get more excited to spend time with him the more that I get to know him. And I've read before that you shouldn't be with the person who gives you butterflies. I searched the quote and it says, "my mother once told me: when you hold a man's hand and he makes your heart beat faster and he makes you feel giddy and excited, walk away from this man. He is not the man for you. If you hold a man's hand and he makes you feel warm, safe and secure, hold onto him. This is the man you're going to marry." I have always chased the boy who gives me butterflies and honestly I don't think it's the answer.
It's the little things that he does that I find so endearing. The other day I was frustrated with my roommate and he held me in his arms, embraced me tightly in a hug and gently rubbed my back for a few minutes. This morning I had mentioned something about getting my place ready for my landlord to show it and he brought up the fact that we need to fix the two baseboard corners that Henry chewed. I teased him about doing it instead and then said I'd do it and I'd only get him if I needed help and he was like no, I'll help you. It's little things. The simplest, kindest, things that mean so much to me.
And I know these are things you do for your significant other. I've been alone for so long it's just so nice to have someone else around. Someone so willing to help, so kind. It's inexplicably amazing to have someone like that around.
It's crazy because DVZ was here last night/today and I said out loud that if in the spring he still hadn't bought and things continue to progress that I would consider buying with him. It seems silly to buy separate and pay for two places if we're going to be spending time at one. I know she was a little hesitant and a little surprised because it's kind of quick to feel like that but I can't explain it. We're also not 20 and in university anymore so it's very different from her relationship. I'm ready to settle down in my life and I wouldn't buy a place tomorrow but in 6-8 months I can't imagine why I wouldn't. Normally, the thought of children and buying a house with someone and giving up my freedom would scare the shit out of me but it just doesn't. I feel so calm when it comes to him.
I don't know what is going to happen and I don't want to ruin it but I just feel so content with him. Happy. And it scares me to say out loud but I can see myself building a future with him.
