missing you.

i have so much to say. and i'm way too exhausted to say it.
it's funny though, i'm not going to fall asleep for hours, i assure you.
i miss number twelve's arms that's for sure.

let's live it up

Im   a survivor. its what do. sometimes wish there was more to life that surviving. I wish there was living, not just surviving for me. I'll survive, know that. I want to live.

hey, hey, set me free.

stupid cupid, stop picking on me.

believing is half the battle.

i know it's kinda weird but i've been really spiritual/religious lately. i've been really focusing on trusting that everything is going to be okay, that God is going to take care of me like he always does. i've been trying to convince myself that everything happens for a reason and that everything happens the way it's supposed to. it's been tough but i'll be alright.

mrs. roosevelt.

no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

i love that family.

i also remember the first time i met his sister. we picked her up from work at peak and i remember being soooo afraid. everyone told me she was a crazy bitch and even his mom was like she might be a little short or snappy or rude to you and interrogate you but don't worry, we like you. and i was like uhhhhhhhh so sketched out. when i met her, she was so nice to me. and there was never like an i don't like you phase which apparently, with his sister was very very rare. now i really enjoy her company, she's loud and chatty and gorgeous and just really nice to me. i guess i'm hoping there's still hope.

she don't know she's beautiful.

i remember when i first started hanging out with number twelve and i went to his hockey game for the last period after work one night. and i remember looking like garbage because it had been a long day and i was planning to go watch a movie at number 12's after anyways. so i went and sat with mlr and kh and went and talked to antelope hunter and number 12's parents etc. and a week or so after one night he was like you're so beautiful. and i was like haha okay right. and he's like no really. mom pointed something out that made me realize something i like you so much. and i was like why? and he's like well she said she likes you a lot and she really respects you and how confident you are. and i was a little confused so he continued to tell me that so many girls spent hours to go gossip at a hockey game and bang a hockey player whereas i went to hockey games to bring his mom tea and come over after and watch a movie and bake something. and he was definitely not getting any so it wasn't about that. and that's why he fell for me, because i was me.... it helped his family liked me too.

i fall in love all over, every time i look at you.

s made me realize something the other day. she said something about being herself and to be herself means not leaving the house without getting dressed cute and wearing makeup and being girly etc. this made me realize how important it is to be yourself. last night i was going to get ready for the hockey game when i realized something. this isn't who i am. i'm not the girl who gets done up to go do stuff. i'm the girl who wears her hair in a ponytail and is the guys girl and just is content with who she is. and i've lost that lately. so i decided to leave my hair in a ponytail and just go as me. it felt good to be me.

he's the one.

yesterday i went to drumheller with dragon and we met s at the game. c played against kodiak which is odd seeing as he's no longer a kodiak. but anyways it was really nice. i felt good because dragon and i had a really good chat on the way there and s' energy can cheer anyone up. plus hockey is wonderful and the game was so intense! c was losing 4-0 and c scored which bumped up their confidence and they came back and tied 4-4 with 1 second left then they won in overtime. i really needed a night out but it really made me miss number twelve.

hamilton wright mabi

"blessed is the season which engages
the whole world in a conspiracy of love".

love actually.

"but you know, the thing about romance is... people only get together right at the very end".

love sucks.

i neeeeeed to get laid sooo bad. it's not even funny. all i do is think about number 12 and it's getting ridiculous. i just want him to come on over and ravish me for a long while then stay for the night and ravish me a few more times. that is all.

i love that boy.

i may have blogged about this already but i remembered it tonight so i'm going to mention it now. i totally was a mess the other day. like freaking out, going crazy and being upset about number twelve. and i was talking to number 12 and telling him how  upset i was and i was all over the place. so mid conversation i was like, "i'm sorry, i'm just crazy". and he responded with, "all the best people are. i believe alice in wonderland says so". and it honestly just melted my heart. i am absolutely head over heels crazy about that boy.

wheuuu!

ahhhhhhh i am so fucking jacked right now!!!!!! i just saw my marks for three of my classes and i got an A in psych, an A- in nas, and get ready for it an A- in histroy. i am so effin jacked on the history mark. i legitimately thought i was going to like fail that class and this is the most exciting thing of my life. wheeuuuuu.