we call them fools.

we call them weak, who are unable to resist,
the slightest chance love m i g h t exist;
and for that forsake it all.

what a fabulous asian kid.

Setting: UofL library table after countless hours of studying. Gossip conversation turned intense heart to heart.
vl: wow. you've been through some really adult situations hey?
b: yeeep.
vl: what the heck was I doing in high school? ... trying to colour inside the lines.
b: bahahahahahaha

lucky, i'm worried.

don't worry when you feel something;
worry when you don't.

sex and the city.

carrie: was there a contest?
samantha: oh please, there's always a contest with your ex. it's called who will die alone and miserable.

I bleed my heart out to show, that I won't let go.

I don't want this moment to ever end,
where everything's nothing, without you.

I am nothing, without you.

I'm beyond exhausted. I have class at 8am and my alarm is going to start going off in about 7 hours. I just had a nice glass of red wine and watched an episode of sex and the city because I just am so dead. I was told I look like hell by multiple people in the alst few days and also got told I need to chill out about the easiest project I've ever done. That's where I am right now. I have nothing left in me. I have no energy for school, for friends, for family, especially no energy for boys. I'm have no motivation to even get out of bed tomorrow. I am nothing.

voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

Okay so last night I went to karaoke with nc and ohhhh my gosh was it funny. Her friends are hilarious and I'm so glad she's started going out again and doing fun things every once in awhile. FUCK STEVE. I hate that guy. But yeah I'm pretty glad I went. There was an old man just lighting it up while his wife sat there like looking the other way, shaking her head. Then a native girl (please excuse the racist-ness of this) who sang pocohauntus. And then we surprised one of the guys with his name getting called up there... only they made him sing Lady Marmalade. So funny. And another kid sang free falling and did such a good job then he sang an eminem song and destroyed his credibility. And one of the guys sitting with us was singing such a  funny song and dancing like it was incredible. Very solid night for someone who was awoken from a 'nap' at 8:30pm.

i just didn't believe she would ever really walk out.

beating on the dash, screaming out her name
at the windshield, tears soaking up my face,
if I'd have loved her this much all along, maybe, maybe,
maybe she wouldn't be gone.

monday rain.

It’s the start of something brand new - It’s the start of the closing line
With the door cracked an inch or two - Do I dare set my foot inside?
Do I love you then lose you - Or do I put my trust in time?
Do I let myself refuse to count on a fateful dream of mine?
Within me - It tugs on - My heartstrings - And I know
It’s just a sky of silver gray - Just a narrow passageway
Just a song cut off halfway - Just another Monday rain
Would I spend a week in the heart of the city;
In the center of your heart?
For a flash of fame before I’d lose the game
And be stuck on the outskirts, back at the start
There’s no price I would not pay - For the superlative insured
So I’ll light the candle, hope it does not melt away
But what if patience brings reward?
It’s just a sky of silver gray - Just a narrow passageway
Just a song cut off halfway - Just another Monday rain
Raining harder now - Raining harder now - Raining harder now
Within me - It tugs on - My heartstrings - My heart sings
This anthem - Of misery
Is it consequence - Or providence - I’m on the fence
Of imminence - And nothing to gain - Drenched in the Monday rain

dedicated.

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow and each road leads you where you want to go. And if you're faced with a choice and you have to choose, I hope you choose the one that means the most to you. And if one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walking 'til you find the window. If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile. But more than anything, more than anything:
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small; you never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting where your getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too. Yeah this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back but you never forget all the ones that loved you and the place you left. I hope you always forgive and you never regret and you help somebody every chance you get. Oh you'd find God's grace in every mistake and always give more than you take. But more than anything, more than anthing;
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small; you never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too. Yeah this, is my wish.
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small; you never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too. yeah this, is my wish.
My wish for you. This is my wish. My wish for you.
 I hope you know somebody loves you.
My wish for you. May all your dreams stay big.

nothing like salt water.

I'm just so over this. School, friends, boys, life. I'm tired of always being upset and angry and sad. I just want to feel okay. I am tired of the littlest things making me unreasonably upset. I am just so tired of bursting into tears for no reason. I'm tired of wishing things were different. I'm tired of pouring myself into school so hard that I can't even function and not seeing results. I'm just so tired of working so hard to forget everything and coming home to burst into tears and feel like none of it matters. That's all I want in life, is to matter. I want to make a difference in someone's life like they have in mine. I want to mean so much to someone is hurts, but in a good way; like I do for number twelve. I just want it all to mean something. At the end, I just want it all to have mattered.

I've tried one, two, three too many times.

It’s the hardest role I’ll ever have to play,
It’s the hardest lie I’ll ever have to make.
To look you in the eye
And not break down and cry
When I say goodbye.

hide what's written on my face.

So I gotta pretend that I’m not gonna miss you

I gotta pretend that this is what I wanna do
I gotta pretend when I walk out that door
That I don’t love you anymore
I gotta play the part act like it ain't killin’ me

Give your head a shake. Or ten.

I used to really love T. I never really appreciated the way he treated b but he always made me laugh and we went on fun brother sister dates. I guess I just liked him as a person even if he wasn't right for b. He's now made it like a goal to hurt her. He tries to sleep with all her friends just to piss her off. Now please, do not mistake me because it makes me so angry that these girls are supposed to be her "friends" yet they can sleep with the boy she loved more than anyone. That's not friendship to me. But he is just purposely trying to hurt her, he loves having control over her. He like just wants to keep her at his level, the red deer level. (No offence s, but very few people in rd have matured at all since high school) It just frustrates me so much that these people can just live the same life and treat people that they claim they "love" and are their "best friends". Now everyone makes mistakes but at the same time, there are lines you just do not cross. I guess it just doesn't make sense to me. Especially the people who screw up over and over and don't even admit or realize what they're doing is wrong and hurtful.
Please give your head a shake.

grow the fuck up.

I HATE IMMATURE PEOPLE.

there are no words.

I just put on his hoodie in hopes that I will have some tiny fraction of feeling okay again. Feeling safe. I wish that I could just be near him. Lay in the embrace of his arms, feel his muscles hold me so tight I feel like he'll never let go. Listen to his heart beat and know how beautiful and strong it really is. I put his hoodie on to warm me up, to feel comfortable, content, myself.

s, you are inspiring.

"But I still can’t get out the frustration, the guilt and the empathy I have for everybody. There’s good in all of us and I simply love people too much."

love letters to number twelve.

The Third Letter


Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours.


-Ludwig van Beethoven

I'm only me, who I want to be, I'm only me when I'm with you.

I know how ridiculous that sounds. I'm only me when I'm with you. And it's tswift lyics and it's lame. I get it. But in all honesty, I feel more myself when I'm with number twelve than any other time. I'm comfortable with who I am, I don't feel like I need to impress anybody. I am just so content with who I am when I'm with him. I don't know how to feel that way without him. There is a calm inside me when I'm with him, a comfort, a safety. I just feel myself. I can't really explain it.
I'm only me, who I want to be; I'm only me when I'm with you.

john mayer.

half of my heart's got a grip on the situation,
half of my heart takes time.

I'm only me when I'm with you.

you drive me crazy half the time,
the other half I'm only trying to
let you know that what I feel is true;
I'm only me when I'm with you.

have a wonderful life sunshine.

a year and a half after our friendship ended, I finally got the courage to delete you.

Actual Quote.

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
-George W. Bush Junior

insight.

John F. Kennedy was such a brilliant man. Actually. He is so incredible. His words are beautiful. His ideas refreshing, honest. It's unfortunate that someone like George Bush Junior can become President of the United States after such a captivating man. It is a disgrace to the institution of leadership.