it's hard to be humble.

i take the elevator to the club in my crib.

it was the craziest thing that's ever happened to me.

it's crazy how in that one moment when you are more scared than you've ever been before, you ask for help and look for strength. and in that moment, it's there.

i wish i could skip the next three months.

fuck. i can't even focus. i have a midterm tomorrow and i am entirely unprepared. i was so worried about giving you the letter that i didn't think about the backlash of over thinking, over stressing what happens now. for 3 years you have been my life. my morning, day and night. and now i do not know what to do. i handed you the envelope thinking i'd feel liberated. but as i got into my vehicle the only feeling i had was nausea. i actually thought i was going to have to pull over. and then the nausea passed and the tears fell down my cheeks. that was goodbye. that was it. i just decided our future. and though i've never been so nervous in my life, now it's real. now all my talk for the last month and a half. well actually the talk for the last year and a half, it's all like real. it's like hard to breathe it's so unbelievable. i mean i just said goodbye without actually saying goodbye. i said goodbye without a hug or anything. i said, whatever my last word was with a smile. it makes me wonder if all this was worth it. if i had just been like over stressing the fact that i should be over it and i wasn't when in fact i was. and now i am overthinking it more than before. and now i'm babbling because i do not know how i feel. i mean this was supposed to make me feel better. you knowing how i've felt the last three years. but i don't think better is the word. nervous. anxious. nauseaus. those words describe how i feel. those words describe how i'm going to feel for the next five days. in five days you will finally read it. read the words i've longed to say for three years. and in five days it will be a real goodbye. cause this right now, still talking, it's cheating. this is the reason i am second guessing myself. and third guessing and fourth guessing and sixteenth guessing. but i did this to benefit me. right. positive. letting go.
goodbye.

it's taken me this long, baby but i figured you out.

you had me calling for you honey;
and it never would have gone away.

two is better than one

i remember what you wore on the first day,
you came into my life and i thought, "hey, this could be something".
cause everything you do and words you say
you know that it all takes my breath away.

jack johnson you know me so well.

are we just holding on to things that we don't have,
anymore?

if i had eyes in the back of my head

i would have told you that you looked good;
as i walked away.

you can't get here fast enough

i need you in a rush;
so baby, run.

it's a blank slate.

there's something so refreshing about someone new.
someone with a new perspective, new ideas, a new outlook in life.
it's been a long time since a few words created such a sense of calm inside me.
so i want to thank you.
i needed a change.
and i think you're the change i've been waiting for.
the breath of fresh air i've been longing to take.
the new perspective i needed to see.
the butterflies in my stomach that i haven't felt in so long.
i don't know the last time i felt so rejuvenated.

i guess i should take my own advice.

take a deep breath; let go, and believe.

this is a big world, that was a small town.

I see your face in my mind as I drive away; cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way. People are people and sometimes we change our minds but it's killing me to see you go after all this time. Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie. It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see. Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down; now I don't know what to be without you around. And we know it's never simple, never easy; never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand.
And I can't breathe; without you, but I have to breathe without you, but I have to.
Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt. Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve. People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out; nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.
And we know it's never simple, never easy; never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand; and I can't breathe without you, but I have to. Breathe without you, but I have to.
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend; hope you know it's not easy, easy for me. It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend; hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me.
And we know it's never simple, never easy. Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
oh I can't breathe without you, but I have to breathe without you, but I have to breathe without you, but I have to.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

did the captain of the titanic cry?

someday we'll know if love can move a mountain,
someday we'll know why the sky is blue,
someday we'll know why i wasn't meant for you.

none of us thought it was gonna end that way.

even though i can't breathe without you,
i have to.

the butterflies fly away

something stops me every time
the dj plays my song and i feel alright.

and the taylor song was on

my tummy's turning and i'm feeling kinda homesick
too much pressure and i'm nervous

that's when the dj dropped my favorite tune.

it's not a love story.

i got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around.
my faith in you has faded.

what do YOU want? what do you WANT?

It's not gonna be easy.

It's gonna be really hard.

We're gonna have to work at this every day,

but I want to do that because I want you.

I want all of you,

for ever,

you and me,

every day.

i want to love like i ain't afraid to be alone.

"I am no one special, just a common man with common thoughts. I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect, I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and for me, that has always been enough."

thank you, nicholas sparks

sometimes, we all just want to believe in the

possibility of true love.

i don't know how it gets better than this.

a warm cup of green tea,
my blankie in front of the fire,
and the notebook.

she wants to drive your truck with no place to go.

she needs to feel that fire
the one that lets her know for sure
she's everything you want and more.

i am sooo tired of it.

why can't you see, you don't belong with me.