Heart officially melted.

Last night I was serving this really nice family and the little girl whispered something so I said pardon me? And she said it really quietly again and so I was like I'm sorry I can't hear you sweetie. And her mom said, "you're really pretty". And I almost died, my heart just melted. You know those days when you just really need a nice compliment? Hearing something like that from a little girl is so nice. Made my whole day. 

Could've called that 4 years ago.

HJR just texted me. Apparently sofaking lost his licence, presumably for a DUI considering he is selling his truck. I am not surprised in the slightest. 

I hate him. I wish that I didn't care either way but I do. I don't want to care about someone who can treat people the way he treated me. It's who I am. Hopefully this helps him to realize his behaviours are dangerous. And hopefully he figures out what will make him happy in life. I want him to be successful and find what he wants out of life. 

I wish that I didn't care though. 

I love Tim.

Nashville wouldn't be Nashville, without you.

library thoughts.

Honestly, this is so rude but I don't understand how I am single sometimes. Like I know, I have standards but still. I see all these people in relationships and I'm like if someone loves you, how is it possible that no one loves me? But actually I don't think I'm a completely revolting human being so what the fuck.

Probably should stop going to Hudson's.

It's actually kind of pathetic how much I adore this boy. His smile makes me melt. Like actually. He is so beautiful. Yesterday  AD showed me a picture of him from a wedding they went to and he was all dressed up in a suit and I was like ohhh my gosh in love. And on Friday when we got to Hudson's he looked at me smiled and pointed with an overt heeeeyyyyyyy! And I was like oh my gosh I'm going to melt. I've never even had a real conversation with him like come on stop being a giddy school girl. He just makes you feel special. I can't explain it further. He looks at you like he's looking right down into your soul. 

Reflection.

I just read an article about suicide. It's crazy you know, how someone can be in that place. I suppose for me it's harder to understand that I was in that place. I have attempted suicide and I think what is difficult for me now is accepting that I was once so immature and cowardly to let myself get to that place when there are so many resources for feeling that way. I'm grateful that I was unsuccessful. I am so happy to have lived and loved and to feel the way that I do about the beauty of life.