can i just go home now?

how can i possibly just want to go home when what i really want is to leave?
i want to go away, far away. where they can't find me and i can be the person i want to be and i can shed everything for the last 18 years that i don't want to carry.
please can i go home so i can pack up and leave again?

on the contrary.

i'd really like to know about school. like if i've been accepted or not to lethbridge.
i could go to calgary again but i just don't want to. like at all.
i'm not even sure i want to go to school at all this year. i have been thinking about it more and more and i just don't know. i've been thinking about maybe going to la. just packing up, leaving and moving to la. can you imagine how amazing that would be? just leave everything behind. absolutely everything.
maybe i'm crazy but i just want to get the heck out of here.

sigh... relief.

welllll i finally got my rag that is a giant sigh of relief when you are double safe EVERY time. trust me. i was having a bit of a fit worrying and stressing about becoming a parent at 18. well, lucky i can breathe again.

i wanna go back to the way it was.

i miss the person i used to be.
and the integrity that drove my life.

i lost myself.

and everything that matters to me.