so much to say, too tired to speak.

I know what I was feeling....
but what was I thinking.

and this is what he said.

"I can't believe you'd actually believe the rumors. After all this time, you know me better than that. I would've been much more creative, at least for you if I were going to say something like that."

I'm a bitch; a funny bitch.

Tonight I drove by on my way home. hahaha it took everything inside of me not to text him and be like "yo, tell the dumb slut who's car is outside your house that this is Canada, Alberta to be specific NOT California or Hawaii so she can take her stupid lei off her rearview mirror."
hahaha that is one of my biggest pet peeves. And I can probably describe the broad to you strictly based on her car/ lei that accompanied it.

noah.

"I am no one special, just a common man with common thoughts. I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect, I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and for me, that has always been enough."

truth.

"It is in these tender and ridiculous moments of nostalgia that I know something inside of me is still broken."

he taught me to love on the hard days.

I burned those wheels down the highway.
and I learned what I learned the hard way.
do the best you can do, love many, trust few
work hard for the money in your hand,
that's the measure of a man.

heat lightening.

Nothing really happened. I'm just annoyed. I hate that he just is so sexy and attracts so many girls and he just is loving it right now. I think he finally realized HOW good looking he is because he often forgets. I just want to punch him in the face. Or slap him and tell him to figure it the fuck out because it's not sweet that he's banging a bunch of sluts. UGH. I sometimes wish I could be one of those girls. You know? The ones that can just have sex like a guy and it doesn't mean anything to them. They play the boy before the boy plays them. It's so frustrating for me because I am just not like that. And everybody is just like hook up with someone, date someone, be with someone else. It'll help you move on.
I know that it won't. Like all that will do is make me feel like a slut. I won't feel better or over him or any of it. I will feel like I betrayed him. How do I get over this stupid bullshit feeling. How do I completely let go.


How do I let go enough to stop caring for a year or two.

that is all.

I fucking hate boys.

relationships suck.

I know how stupid it is. I know. And every 'I told you so' light and buzzer is going off in my head right now. I'm not like upset that I haven't talked to number 12 in a few days (sunday night) but I'm a bit sad. Or not sad really. I guess I just enjoy talking to him. And I kind of forgot how much I actually enjoy our every day conversations. He made a comment about talking to someone who can hold a real conversation... and I guess that's just it. I miss us being able to just talk all the time and never run out of things to talk about or awkward-ness. You know?
I keep hoping he'll text me because I just want to chat. And I know in my heart that he has to initiate this so that I don't let him too close.

emotions running high.

I'm so lame haha. I was watching the craig morgan 'this ain't nothin'' video and I started crying.

tell me why.

It's silly but simply talking to the kid puts me in a better mood with a smile on my face. I hate that he has that much influence on my happiness. But I guess that's love.
I'm sitting here studying before family dinner and the gym just talking to him and it's so silly but I haven't had this genuine of a smile in a long time.

itunes shuffle gets me everytime.

when you find yourself in some far off place and it causes you to rethink some things, you start to sense that slowly you're becoming someone else,
and then you find yourself.
well you go through life so sure of where you're headed and you wind up lost and it's the best thing that could've happened. 'cause sometimes when you lose your way, it's really just as well because
you find yourself.

I just wanna be mad for awhile.

He text me again.