from s.

Cross off the ones you've done:
1. had sex
2. bought condoms
3. gotten pregnant
4. failed a class
5. kissed a boy
6. kissed a girl
7. used a little paper bag for lunch
8. had a job
9. slipped on ice
10. missed the school bus
11. left the house without my wallet/purse
12. bullied someone on the internet
13. sexted
14. had sex in public
15. played on a sports team
16. smoked weed
17. smoked cigarettes
18. smoked a cigar
19. drank alcohol
20. watched “The Breakfast Club”
21. been overweight
22. been underweight
23. had an eating disorder
24. been to a wedding
25. made fun of someone for being fat
26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight
27. watched tv for 5 hours straight
28. been late for work
29. been late for school
30. kissed someone in the rain
31. showered with someone else
32. failed my drivers test
33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes
34. been outside my home country
35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours
36. gotten my heart broken
37. had a credit card
38. been to a professional sports game
39. broken a bone
40. been unhappy about my weight
41. won a trophy
42. cut myself
43. had an STD
44. got engaged
45. been on a diet
46. tried out to be on a tv show
47. rode in a taxi
48. been to grad
49. played in a drinking game
50. stayed up for 24 hours or more
51. been to a concert
52. had a three-some
53. had a crush on someone of the same sex
54. been in a car accident
55. had braces
56. learned another language
57. killed an animal
58. been at a yard sale
59. been to a japanese steakhouse
60. wore make up
61. talked to someone via webcam
62. lost my virginity before I was 16
63. had my wisdom teeth taken out
64. kissed someone a different race than myself
65. snuck out of the house
66. bought porn
67. had a virus on my computer
69. dyed my hair
70. gone skinny dipping
71. graduated from college
72. wore someone else’s clothes
73. voted in a presidential election.
74. rode in an ambulance
75. rode in a helicopter
76. caught the stove on fire
77. got in a verbal fight
78. been on vacation
79. been on an airplane
80. been on a boat
81. had surgery
82. kissed someone before I was 14
83. beat a video game
84. found something valuable on the ground
85. made a survey
86. stalked someone on facebook/myspace
87. prank called someone
88. been to a library outside of school
89. spent over $100 shopping in one day
90. cut my hair and hated it
91. peed outside
93. helped with charity
94. taken a pregnancy test.
95. been rejected by a crush
96. been suspended from school
97. broken a mirror
98. faked sick from school
99. owned a pet
100. been to six flags

i think sometimes you forget where the heart is.

is it all that you want it to be?
does it hurt when you think about me?

vom.

I feel soooooo shitty. fml

so many things that I wish you knew, so many walls that I can't break through.

this is looking like a contest, of who can act like they care less.
but I liked it better when you were on my side.
the battle's in your hands now, but I would lay my armour down
if you said you'd rather love than fight.
so many things that I wish you knew,
but the story of us might be ending soon.

I'm dying to know if it's killing you like it's killing me.

I'm scared to see the ending,
why are we pretending this is nothing.
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how,
I've never heard silence quite this loud.

the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us, how we met and the sparks flew instantly.
people would say "they're the lucky ones".

insignificant.

Also, I deleted my facebook. I wonder if anybody somebody will even notice.

ugh.

I feel like I'm going to vom. It's not sweet at all. Also, I miss number twelve an insane amount and I almost burst into tears about it today but I'm just going to keep on talking like I never said anything at all and pretend I'm not feeling anything at all.
I gave him his birthday present the other day and it's beautiful, at least I think so. It was a frame based on all the things I want for him and the card suited us perfectly. It talked about being fearless and it sang 'My Wish' by Rascal Flatts. Those are two of our main songs. Seemed appropriate. WOOWWWW I"m lame.
Anyways I'm going to go to Arizona and forget all about everything I ever felt for boys and hopefully turn into an asexual so I don't have to worry about this broken heart shit and I never have to pick between a family and a career (yes S, I truly believe that the way I want my children raised has to be either or; I know, I know. I don't think it does for everybody but for me it is an either or. That way I will never fall in love and I won't be able to have children and then I can just focus entirely on becoming Queen of the world (well the business world duh).

I'm my own worst enemy.

all you have to change,
is everything you are.
she's so pretty, that just ain't me.

I'm a hazard to myself.

Every day I fight a war against the mirror,
I can't take the person staring back at me.

good karma.

WHEEUEUUUUUUUU.
1) I went for a run tonight in the rain (aka my fav thing to do).
2) I'm going to arizona for 5 days (booking my flight tomorrow).
3) The dumb girl who asked how to make orange juice aka circle juice is getting fired.

This is exactly what I need right now.
I just need to have some things go good for a change.

please work out.

I want to go to arizona sooooo bad. ZG invited me to go with her fam... she's going for 10 days but I'd go for like 3-5 hopefully. I have to ask my boss tomorrow. I'm really hoping since I am casual that they will let me go because then I will be so stoked. I can go lay in the sun for a few days and basically free accomodations which would be ideal. And then I would get to go shopping where it's waaay cheaper which is exactly what I need.

j'adore.

"The quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love."
-- Terence, Roman playwright

fml.

OH, AND I played the radio game tonight. Fuck I hate that game. I was driving home and annoyed with my cd but too lazy to change it for one song so I turned on the radio. (I detest the radio with an absolute passion). But I turned it on and just imagine what song came on...?
Are you going to kiss me or not?

Did I mention I was driving by number 12's house at this time.

maybe tomorrow.

I have so much to say but I'm just too exhausted.

isolate me.

“Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?”


— Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart