Poland.

Today he made me cry. In an entirely good way. I don't know why I was so emotional, I never am that emotional but I cried the entire way to school. Last night I asked if I'd see him this week. And he was rock climbing so he didn't answer for a few hours. I was annoyed even though I knew he was doing something. When we're together, neither of our phones are anywhere in sight. To be honest, it's really nice because the focus is entirely on each other and our time together. And I respect very much that he isn't on his phone around people and I've been making a serious effort in the last few months because I realized how rude it is to be with people and more concerned with your phone. And to a certain degree, for me, because I've always been far from my love interests physically, that's a big portion of my behaviour. That doesn't make it any less rude.
So last night he said, "I think so. Are you free Friday"? I was mostly teasing him but a part of me was being petty so I said, "don't sound so enthused" which is mostly funny because we've joked about that specific expression and the enthusiasm we show in texts before. There was more to our conversation than that but this morning he said, I'm sorry. I was sleeping last night and I haven't had a moment to respond to you but I wanted to ask if you were going to make me smile as well.
It sounds so silly and like such a line. Buthea honestly just nice. Every fibre of my being is terrified by his kindness, his chivalry, his intellect, his continued reassurance. I even told him so last week and he continues to be here stable, engaged, demonstrating he is exactly as he seems.
I keep waiting for the other show to drop but at some point I'm praying this time it won't.

Breathe in and out. Focus on the moment.

I need to write more. I know that I do. I need to spend more time meditating and exercising and focusing on the things that make me happy. The little things. The writing and reading and staying away from toxic people.

Poland.

I met a boy, let's call him Poland. He is honestly the most gentlemanly human I have ever met in my entire life. We talked for a long time before we went on a date (like 2 months long).
First date:
He picks me up at my place, stands outside his vehicle waiting for me. Opens my door, waits for me to get in, closes it.
We drive to Banff and chat the whole way. No awkward silences- any of the silences were momentary.
Park in Banff, take a walk until it's raining pretty hard. He suggests the fondue place- The Grizzly House. He's always wanted to try it. We walk over, he reads the menu and looks at me, pausing for a second to read my facial expressions. He proceeds to say, it's not what he was thinking and he doesn't like cheese and hopes I won't hold it against him.
I burst out laughing. I also dislike cheese. I believe it has very specific uses but I am not a go-into-the-fridge-and-eat-a-slice-of-cheese person.
So we kept walking. Salt Lik. Do you like beef?
Could you pick a better place for me? Not likely.
We go in- we both order gin. Chat for a very long time before eating dinner.
Once we eat we stayed and continued talking for a long while. It was getting late though so we figured we'd better head back. I tried to get out my card, "you don't have to do that".
I'm going to, he replies.
Is it worth the fight?
No, you'll lose. Put it away.
Walk back to the car, offers me an array of candies/gum/etc.
All the while he opens every door for me and walks behind me, just barely. Only enough to make sure that I am first.
We chat on the way back, both mesmerized by the beauty of the mountains and the stars after the rain cleared up. When we got to my place, he got out with me to walk me to the door. Kissed me and asked if we can do this again, not in two months.

It was honestly the nicest, most respected and well-treated I've ever felt.

The European Gentleman.

I met a boy.