How I feel.

And my head told my head let love grow but my heart told my head, this time no. 

I'm tired of being strong.

when all that you have left is being strong,
you've got to find a little faith to fall back on.

the world breaks everyone. and afterward, some are strong in the broken places.

I'm broken. I'm so incredibly broken. It hit me like a freight train today. Honestly, I was so unbelievably upset when she walked into the house with a key. I was speechless.
It was my breaking point. I cannot even believe this. I am looking for a new place to live because I honestly cannot do it for another 7 months.
I am so broken. I need something stable in my life. I need to feel comfortable and welcome at my house. I have to. I have had such a rough year and I deserve something stable. I deserve to feel safe and comfortable.

It's been a slice but it's time.

Well, it's official. I've started looking for somewhere else to live for 6 months.

SHE HAS A KEY.

What the fucking fuck. Why does she have a key. Why. Why. Why.

Yesterday I forgot to post this.

Another one of my friends got engaged yesterday. A girl I work with. I honestly love her, she brightens my day. Her fiance works in the kitchen and I love him too. I am so torn between extremely happy and incredibly sad. I am so happy because I am happy for them. I love to see people happy together. I'm sad because I feel so far away from that in my life. I always thought by 22-23 I would be engaged. Even if I wasn't married until I was 24 or 25.
I wouldn't say I'm in any sort of rush to get married by any means. It's just sort of one of those things you know. You want to get married and move on to the next chapter of your life. I will graduate at 22, then what. I have the whole world ahead of me. It's silly really because when I came up with the idea of getting engaged at 22 or 23, I was so young and it was so far away. And all of a sudden, it isn't. In 4 months, I will be 22. That's pretty crazy if you think about it.
I have the whole world ahead of me. In fact, I was looking today at teaching abroad.

Tears stream down her face.

I am really, really lonely today. 

Super healthy.

I had an apple peanut butter and a glass of wine for dinner. And now I'm thinking about getting some ice cream.