I don't even know where to start. It's such a long shot. He lives so far away and wants to move even farther. I mean it's crazy right? I'm being naive to fall like this. In fact, I'm being the opposite of naive and I know it. I'm not letting him in the way I should. I'm keeping him at a distance. I'm being cautious and taking my time and moving slowly. I mean it's been 3 months, almost 4.
And it kills me a little when he's getting ready to hang up and says, I wish I could kiss you before I said goodbye, but you're so far away. Or when he told me yesterday he was looking at changing his flight home so he could have a day here on the way. Or that he wants me to spend New Years with him.
Tonight we were talking about puppies and I was saying how badly I wanted one and he said me too. I said bring him to visit! He told me he wasn't getting one until he moved to LA. But once he did, he'd really like if I visited him and puppy. He's looked into school districts there, found the best one.
It's intense. And fast. And I of course wouldn't make any rash judgements or decisions, especially not this early on. I told him that too. I said, look I am not in a place, we are not in a place to make any decisions about international moves.
I don't know. It's strange to me to have found someone I can Facetime for hours. That we can talk all day and it's not menial small talk... how's your day, good you, good. Two hours later repeat. We have full blown, in depth, intellectual conversations about anything and everything. I think what I like the most is that he doesn't stand down when we disagree. He's not mean or anything, we just can agree to have different opinions, as much as he tries to persuade me to agree with him. We talk about politics, the residual effects of Residential Schools, Rape, Emotional and physical abuse in relationships, sex.
I'm an all or nothing kind of person. I always have been. He's intense. He's incredibly intense. But I like it. I like how honest he is. He's straightforward and tells me exactly what he wants. How he views me. What he likes. He's still so respectful.
He said, "I don't want to be presumptuous and I don't know what your plans are but I'd really like to stop and see you for a day on my way home for Christmas".
He's emotional but he's not afraid of it. He's intelligent, educated. Athletic but artistic. He's not my type at all. He's probably more emotional than I am. He left a lucrative career to follow his "calling" as he phrases it. He thrives on pressure and success. He hates mediocrity.
I'm just so afraid of all this being real.
