I'm a little bit sad. And I've been so busy with school that I haven't had a chance to really think about it or when it comes into my mind I force myself to not think about it. I really miss number twelve. And to be perfectly honest, it's not in a way that I really want to be with him because I'm not really sure I want to be with anyone, I just miss our conversations, our friendship. When you're friends with someone for a long time and then you date for as long as we did, they become a really big part of your life. And he was, he wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my best friend. And that's what I miss.
I sent him that letter about a week and a half ago and I'll be honest, I'm pretty sad he never said anything at all to me. I mean I told him that I'd be here when he was ready, and I will and he already knows that. But that doesn't make it any easier. I still miss him and I'm sad that he's not a part of my life. My entire world is changing again, I'm becoming better friends with different people and it's actually been really nice. I mean I still have some of my close friends in my life but becoming closer with people like DK and JP are really good people for me to have in my life. CM and I are becoming better friends too and it's really nice because he's a good guy and I like chilling in the library with him. (haha I just realized I spent a lot of time in the library with male CM's because there is two of them!) I also enjoy studying with S' CM, he's a good guy too. I guess you don't always get to choose who's important to you at the times they are. But the people in your life that matter will matter when they do and it's just something to embrace.
Friday, November 4, 2011
smile.
Today S, JP and JL are all coming here. I'm pretty excited. I haven't seen JL in a long time and I actually find him hilarious. I love JP, she is honestly one of the most genuinely nice girls I have ever met. And S, well I love S. I haven't seen her since I went home last but seriously that girl makes me laugh and it's especially nice that she can have an enlightened conversation about more than partying and hooking up. I mean don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a little shameless mind-numbing gossip every once in awhile but it's also nice to be able to transition to a more enlightened conversation.
zzzzzzz
So I stayed up until 5am yesterday to do my essay. I always try to get things done in advance but I just end up doing it at the last minute. I think it went deccently well though, at least as good as a 3000 word essay can go writing it start to finish in about a 12 hour time span.
I slept for a few hours then got up and edited it, she cancelled class so that helped a bit, got an extra hour of zzzzzs. Then I went and handed it in and I went to class which was incredibly long and I was supposed to tutor but she never showed up so I worked with KW on our Ed2500 project which we are pretty well done now so that's a bonus.
I came home and had some supper, poured myself a glass of red wine and watched grey's anatomy. And of course, then I wasn't tired. So I basically spent my night drinking red wine and doing absolutely nothing but watching tv. K's mom sent a care package which was so nice because there's a fuckload of chocolates and brownies etc. only my ass is telling me it's not good.
Have you ever seen the show Dance Moms? Well, it's on Slice and I made K watch it for a bit last night and he was like I can't look away. I'm hooked. I want to tell people about this but how do I do that without sounding like a complete loser. Those people are legitimately crazy though the show is so entertaining.
I slept for a few hours then got up and edited it, she cancelled class so that helped a bit, got an extra hour of zzzzzs. Then I went and handed it in and I went to class which was incredibly long and I was supposed to tutor but she never showed up so I worked with KW on our Ed2500 project which we are pretty well done now so that's a bonus.
I came home and had some supper, poured myself a glass of red wine and watched grey's anatomy. And of course, then I wasn't tired. So I basically spent my night drinking red wine and doing absolutely nothing but watching tv. K's mom sent a care package which was so nice because there's a fuckload of chocolates and brownies etc. only my ass is telling me it's not good.
Have you ever seen the show Dance Moms? Well, it's on Slice and I made K watch it for a bit last night and he was like I can't look away. I'm hooked. I want to tell people about this but how do I do that without sounding like a complete loser. Those people are legitimately crazy though the show is so entertaining.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
taken from s.
1: Are you a virgin?
Whatever you need to believe.
2: What do you want to major in?
Pft, I wish I knew. I just love pursuing knowledge.
3: What's your sexual orientation?
Heterosexual. But I don't think it should matter.
4: Are you crushing on anyone? If so, who?
Of you know, depends when you ask me. I have a few boys I wouldn't mind getting to know better.
5: What's the cutest thing someone's ever done for you?
Picked out a vase and tried to bring me flowers in it but couldn't find a flower store on the way so brought me an empty flower vase hahahaha.
6: What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?
Auschwitz, Greece, Atlantis, South Africa, Hogwarts.
7: What was the scariest moment of your life?
Either the moment my momma told me she had cancer, or the moment I woke up with no idea where I was after my assault.
8: If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be?
I'm pretty torn on this. I'd like to take back a few things but if I did, I wouldn't be who I am now; and I like who I am. I believe we have the opportunity to learn from every experience we encounter.
9: Do you believe in God or a god?
Yes. Despite all of the reasoning and logic that opposes and contradicts the idea of a belief in God, I do. I cannot explain it. My best chance of an explanation would a few moments in life where all I wanted was to be okay. One in particular stands out, complete whiteout conditions, couldn't see the end of my vehicle on Highway 2 (crazy busy highway) and instead of watching the road, I closed my eyes and prayed to make it out alive. And I did.
10: If you had to name three important details about you, what would you say?
1) I keep my world at arms reach. If you let me in, I'll be there for you always. But I will never let you close to me.
2) I have an unrealistic belief in love and the fairytale. I believe in the best of people. I just believe.
3) I am consistently, inconsistent.
11: Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?
I used to be allergic to eggs. I'm allergic to some medications. And to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't be all that surprised if I were allergic to alcohol.
12: Have you ever been in love? If so, are you still in love?
I think so. He'll always have a part of me.
13: Do you like sports? If so, which ones?.
Love sports. Love watching hockey and basketball. Love playing volleyball and soccer. Gotta love lacrosse, all my boys play.
14: What are four things you can't live without and why?
1) My family, they are absolutely incredible and they each compose a piece of me.
2) Food and Wine. But seriously, I'd die if I didn't have food and well, wine requires no explanation.
3) My brain, most importantly my memory and my ability to think and learn. As I told S the other day, screw happiness, I'm on the pursuit of knowledge.
4) My body, the ability to move and run and more importantly to drive. I'm the type of person that needs to know I can escape if I need to.
15: Do you have a facebook?
Yes, I got rid of it in the summer and it was a pretty wonderful experience. For school, it's just a convenient way to procrastinate.
16: What do you like to do in your spare time?
Go to the gym, write, cook/eat hahaha. And spend time with my family and certain friends.
17: What are your biggest fears?
Not being enough, losing the things that matter most to me, dying without certain people knowing how much I really love them.
18: What are two of your biggest weaknesses?
Loving unconditionally. Believing in the best of others and repeatedly giving them the benefit of the doubt no matter how badly and how many times they've hurt me.
Being critical. I'm incredibly critical of other people, not in a judgemental way, more in a comparing them to myself kind of way. And most people don't realize that as critical as I am of others, I'm a million times more critical of myself.
19: What are your three biggest insecurities?
My biggest insecurity is that I'm not enough, that I will never be enough.
20: If you could write anonymous letters to three people, who would you send it to and what would you say?
I'd say number twelve, but he'd know it was me.
My momma, so she knows just how incredible she is.
An old friend, so she'd know that I have no hard feelings for her and that despite the fact we're not close anymore, I miss her and I'd drop everything if she needed me.
I'd write a few other people letters but at the end of the day, I know that people know deep down in their heart what I think of them.
Whatever you need to believe.
2: What do you want to major in?
Pft, I wish I knew. I just love pursuing knowledge.
3: What's your sexual orientation?
Heterosexual. But I don't think it should matter.
4: Are you crushing on anyone? If so, who?
Of you know, depends when you ask me. I have a few boys I wouldn't mind getting to know better.
5: What's the cutest thing someone's ever done for you?
Picked out a vase and tried to bring me flowers in it but couldn't find a flower store on the way so brought me an empty flower vase hahahaha.
6: What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?
Auschwitz, Greece, Atlantis, South Africa, Hogwarts.
7: What was the scariest moment of your life?
Either the moment my momma told me she had cancer, or the moment I woke up with no idea where I was after my assault.
8: If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be?
I'm pretty torn on this. I'd like to take back a few things but if I did, I wouldn't be who I am now; and I like who I am. I believe we have the opportunity to learn from every experience we encounter.
9: Do you believe in God or a god?
Yes. Despite all of the reasoning and logic that opposes and contradicts the idea of a belief in God, I do. I cannot explain it. My best chance of an explanation would a few moments in life where all I wanted was to be okay. One in particular stands out, complete whiteout conditions, couldn't see the end of my vehicle on Highway 2 (crazy busy highway) and instead of watching the road, I closed my eyes and prayed to make it out alive. And I did.
10: If you had to name three important details about you, what would you say?
1) I keep my world at arms reach. If you let me in, I'll be there for you always. But I will never let you close to me.
2) I have an unrealistic belief in love and the fairytale. I believe in the best of people. I just believe.
3) I am consistently, inconsistent.
11: Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?
I used to be allergic to eggs. I'm allergic to some medications. And to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't be all that surprised if I were allergic to alcohol.
12: Have you ever been in love? If so, are you still in love?
I think so. He'll always have a part of me.
13: Do you like sports? If so, which ones?.
Love sports. Love watching hockey and basketball. Love playing volleyball and soccer. Gotta love lacrosse, all my boys play.
14: What are four things you can't live without and why?
1) My family, they are absolutely incredible and they each compose a piece of me.
2) Food and Wine. But seriously, I'd die if I didn't have food and well, wine requires no explanation.
3) My brain, most importantly my memory and my ability to think and learn. As I told S the other day, screw happiness, I'm on the pursuit of knowledge.
4) My body, the ability to move and run and more importantly to drive. I'm the type of person that needs to know I can escape if I need to.
15: Do you have a facebook?
Yes, I got rid of it in the summer and it was a pretty wonderful experience. For school, it's just a convenient way to procrastinate.
16: What do you like to do in your spare time?
Go to the gym, write, cook/eat hahaha. And spend time with my family and certain friends.
17: What are your biggest fears?
Not being enough, losing the things that matter most to me, dying without certain people knowing how much I really love them.
18: What are two of your biggest weaknesses?
Loving unconditionally. Believing in the best of others and repeatedly giving them the benefit of the doubt no matter how badly and how many times they've hurt me.
Being critical. I'm incredibly critical of other people, not in a judgemental way, more in a comparing them to myself kind of way. And most people don't realize that as critical as I am of others, I'm a million times more critical of myself.
19: What are your three biggest insecurities?
My biggest insecurity is that I'm not enough, that I will never be enough.
20: If you could write anonymous letters to three people, who would you send it to and what would you say?
I'd say number twelve, but he'd know it was me.
My momma, so she knows just how incredible she is.
An old friend, so she'd know that I have no hard feelings for her and that despite the fact we're not close anymore, I miss her and I'd drop everything if she needed me.
I'd write a few other people letters but at the end of the day, I know that people know deep down in their heart what I think of them.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
will smith.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha also today a grade 3 little black boy dressed up as will smith from men in black. bahahahahahahahahahaha
last saturday night.
Okay so let me explain my Saturday to you. I decided not to go out Friday night so I just came home after work (I actually ate a whole pizza to myself hahahahahahahaha shit.) and then I got up early Saturday morning and drove home. My brother made me delicious waffles for breakfast. Then I decided on a costume etc. and went to my little cousin's first birthday. It was so incredibly blown out of proportion it's not even funny. Like what kind of one year old needs a pinata.
Then I went to JP's and we had a few drinks and took some pictures. HJR and KT and JP and I went to res to see like all the volleyball teams I think. And funny enough MQ was there. And seriously.. she's fucking retarded. Like she comes up to me and gives me a big hug like oh heeeyyyyy how are you! blah blah help me fix my costume. And then we were downstairs and all of a sudden we look up and she's macking some dude (the SAME one she cheated on DK with AND her last bf). So then she clearly noticed all of us being like uhh wtf. So she looks at me then looks at him and she's like we have to go upstairs. And I was like really, as if DK isn't going to hear about this because you go upstairs.
So then we left for DK's and that was actually really fun. I iced him 4 times that night hahaha he wasn't very happy with me. So whatever we all chilled at his house it was packed but it was fun and like a lot of it we spent just in his room because there was soooo many people out there. He also tried to go into the attic, who knows why haha. But I knew he was texting her and we were like okay like guaranteed she's texting him like oh babe I'm so sorry I'm not there, I'll try to make it, I'm just with the team blah blah bullshit. And so finally we told him and he was just like wow what a bitch.
I hope that he actually is like fuck you get out of my life now. I mean he's too nice of a kid to deal with that kind of immaturity and he doesn't deserve to be treated like that. I hope he actually does something about it this time.
Then I went to JP's and we had a few drinks and took some pictures. HJR and KT and JP and I went to res to see like all the volleyball teams I think. And funny enough MQ was there. And seriously.. she's fucking retarded. Like she comes up to me and gives me a big hug like oh heeeyyyyy how are you! blah blah help me fix my costume. And then we were downstairs and all of a sudden we look up and she's macking some dude (the SAME one she cheated on DK with AND her last bf). So then she clearly noticed all of us being like uhh wtf. So she looks at me then looks at him and she's like we have to go upstairs. And I was like really, as if DK isn't going to hear about this because you go upstairs.
So then we left for DK's and that was actually really fun. I iced him 4 times that night hahaha he wasn't very happy with me. So whatever we all chilled at his house it was packed but it was fun and like a lot of it we spent just in his room because there was soooo many people out there. He also tried to go into the attic, who knows why haha. But I knew he was texting her and we were like okay like guaranteed she's texting him like oh babe I'm so sorry I'm not there, I'll try to make it, I'm just with the team blah blah bullshit. And so finally we told him and he was just like wow what a bitch.
I hope that he actually is like fuck you get out of my life now. I mean he's too nice of a kid to deal with that kind of immaturity and he doesn't deserve to be treated like that. I hope he actually does something about it this time.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
chicken cordon bleu.
I also went as chicken cordon bleu for Halloween. I know I'm hilarious, I crack myself up.
exhaustion.
I had a good night last night, I'll elaborate tomorrow. I also had retail therapy today and it helped. What made me feel best though was my hour and ten minute conversation of ranting to my momma about everything that is grinding my gears. Bedtime now =)
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