3 and a half years. How is that even possible.

It's been 3 years and 6 months exactly since everything changed.

Every single day.

Can you break yourself by fixing someone else?

Always.

I'm so pissed off. Actually. Like I hate that I love him still. I'm like professor fucking Snape. When I'm on my death bed someone is going to ask me, "after all this time"? And I will respond, "always". I hate it. I hate that I still love him. I hate that I still care. 

I think what bothers me is that there is a piece of me that can see him waking up one day and realizing it all. And I've said before I fear where I will be in my life at that time. I hate that I don't want to believe in us, yet somehow I do. I think I always will. It's almost like my faith. I cannot explain to you why I believe, it simply is. 

I heard an old song tonight and it talks about wanting to be with the person you know. That's what I want. I don't want to start over. I don't want another love. I don't know if you get that kind of love twice. And if it isn't that kind of love, I don't want it. I don't want a mediocre relationship. I want someone that makes me absolutely crazy. And he does. He knows exactly how and he knows the exact way to make it all okay again. 

It has been 4 months and 2 days since I've spoke to him. That is the longest we have ever gone. And I just want to call him up and tell him I miss you, still. I love you, still. 

I miss you every day, still.

Can't take back those hours but I won't regret 'cause you can grow flowers from where dirt used to be. 

Yeah, you make me merry, make me very, very happy but you obviously, you didn't want to stick around. 

Sometimes I inspire myself.

It's okay to be broken, but don't break yourself. 

Forgiveness feels better.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlargen the future. 

-Paul Boese 

Enjoy the little things.

Sometimes you just have to treat yourself to wine and chocolate cheesecake for dinner. 

All I really want to do is turn the page.

Tears should be rolling down my face. And I don't know why I'm not falling apart like I usually do. I feel bad that I can stand here strong, cold as stone, seems so wrong I can't explain it. Maybe it's just, I've cried so much I'm tired and I'm numb, baby I hate it. I feel bad, that I don't feel bad. 

I feel bad that I don't feel bitter, alone. I just feel that it's time, time to move on. I've gotta move on. 

Let freedom ring.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. 

-Martin Luther King Jr. 

Don't you ever forget what I told you.

You is kind, you is smart, you is important. 

-The Help 

No emotions.

I want a really sexy boy to fall in love with me. I don't want to fall in love with him though. I just want a boy to lay next to me and hold me tight. I basically want him to be able to bench press me. I want him to be able to pick me up and throw me against the wall or carry me to bed. Whatever he prefers. That's all I want.. Is that too much to ask? 

Tall girl problems.

My biggest problem in life is that the men I ogle on tinder and at the gym are too short. I'm sorry but 5'10 just doesn't cut it.