If you watch gossip girl, you probably ended up in tears or with a broken heart like I did. Honestly, it's hard for me to watch that show. It sounds stupid but Chuck and Blair should be together, they are destined to be together.
This here is my completely naive, dying-to-witness-true-love-believer side of me. It's rare. And I guess why I find this so sad is because that used to be number 12 and I. We had been through so much on and off shit but at the end of the day we always found ourselves back at each other. These was this mangetic pull that always brought us together, a sort of rare love.
I honestly couldn't tell you where we stand now. But I can tell you it's a whole lot easier to pretend you don't love someone when you don't have to talk to them or see them everyday, when your friend group is different, when you force yourself to delete the drafted text you've written, or hang up the phone before it completes dialing.
Number twelve's sister texted me about it tonight, Gossip Girl I mean. And we talked about it and love and such and it's sometimes hard to talk with her about it because she's never cared about someone like that. She has never fully loved someone in the way that the person has the ability to shatter you and put you back togeher in a matter of moments with no words spoken. She has never loved someone so much that she'd suffer her entire life for their happiness, or hurt for someone that can't hurt for themself. And it's hard for me because that's the way I love her little brother; and she knows that.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
cue awkward moment.
Also, like the most awkward thing happened to me tonight. So RD stayed here last night like I said earlier and it was fine whatever then when I got home from work I got a text from KM aka his ex-girlfriend who lives with TK aka one of my good friends. Basically she started probing about my night and asking stuff in a way that she clearly knew he was here last night. So I texted him and I'm like uh did you talk to KM today and he's like ya why. So I told him and he's like ya she knows I stayed there and we didn't do anything. And I was like okay.....
So then she started talking about it and was like do you guys have a thing and I'm like CUE AWKWARD MOMENT AND B RED AS A FREAKING TOMATO! I told her the truth I was like well I don't think so but I don't really know what's going on. And she was like well you should find out! And in my head I'm thinking why do you care. So then I just said I don't really care enough to find out. I'm happy with where I am in life and that's all that really matters with or without R. And then I asked her if it bothered her that he stayed here and she was like no I don't care about him. And I was like but would you actually tell me if you did? And she was like ya. So I just kind of left it alone.
I think she cares, I mean I would care if even someone I was an acquaintace with started hanging out with number 12 who knew how much he meant to me but I'd never admit that it bothered me. I don't know really how much they meant to each other but I suspect a fair amount because he rants about her and seems to really not like her now which usually means she meant something to him but it's easier to pretend you don't like the person. I don't really think she cares in a way that she's upset but at the end of the day, you still care.
Oh well RD and I aren't anything. We are simply hanging out. And for now, I'm more than okay with that.
So then she started talking about it and was like do you guys have a thing and I'm like CUE AWKWARD MOMENT AND B RED AS A FREAKING TOMATO! I told her the truth I was like well I don't think so but I don't really know what's going on. And she was like well you should find out! And in my head I'm thinking why do you care. So then I just said I don't really care enough to find out. I'm happy with where I am in life and that's all that really matters with or without R. And then I asked her if it bothered her that he stayed here and she was like no I don't care about him. And I was like but would you actually tell me if you did? And she was like ya. So I just kind of left it alone.
I think she cares, I mean I would care if even someone I was an acquaintace with started hanging out with number 12 who knew how much he meant to me but I'd never admit that it bothered me. I don't know really how much they meant to each other but I suspect a fair amount because he rants about her and seems to really not like her now which usually means she meant something to him but it's easier to pretend you don't like the person. I don't really think she cares in a way that she's upset but at the end of the day, you still care.
Oh well RD and I aren't anything. We are simply hanging out. And for now, I'm more than okay with that.
dumb dumbs.
I worked tonight and I realized how dumb some people are. Like actually figure it out. So basically every table is numbered which should be easy enough right (it's actually harder than you think... in the lounge it's just designed dumb). But each table also has seat numbers so that food doesn't have to be auctioned off (unprofessional, sub-par service). So fine learning these kinds of things are vital for the restaurant to work properly because obviously everyone needs to use the same seat numbers for tables or it won't work.
Most of them are really good but some tables are very ambiguous and some waitresses are just retarded. One waitress in the lounge seemed just useless. Not only was she a stuck-up bitch (which I expected there to be more of, but everyone's been pretty nice so far) but she fucked all her seat numbers up which made me look retarded. Like there's a table that is actually about 8-10 people but they are each considered two-tops because most people go to the lounge in smaller groups. So not only did she have the seat numbers wrong, she had the whole fucking table wrong because 5 people were there and only 2 had ordered.
Most of them are really good but some tables are very ambiguous and some waitresses are just retarded. One waitress in the lounge seemed just useless. Not only was she a stuck-up bitch (which I expected there to be more of, but everyone's been pretty nice so far) but she fucked all her seat numbers up which made me look retarded. Like there's a table that is actually about 8-10 people but they are each considered two-tops because most people go to the lounge in smaller groups. So not only did she have the seat numbers wrong, she had the whole fucking table wrong because 5 people were there and only 2 had ordered.
nerves.
I think I might actually like RD. Fuck. I don't know like it's so weird because I met him last year and then I saw him a few weeks ago and we chatted just at TK's birthday and then on the weekend we made out and chatted and then last weekend we made out and danced for hours and then he came here and we juts kinda talked and cuddled. But we didn't talk at all all week and then last night I saw him and he was ironically sitting with my group of friends who I went to sit with so we started talking and I said hi and asked him how he was but then he still texted me and was like, "are you mad at me?" and I was confused I was just like no haha why would I be mad at you?
As the night progressed we started chatting and then we danced and then I had to leave and he was like well what about me? And I was kinda like what about you? hahahaha. But I told him to call me if he needed a ride home and he's like I'm going to. I was just kind of like whatever. haha so he kept texting me and was like are you already gone but it turned out that after I dropped off CE, AD and their girlfriends that VL, HM, MH and MG needed a ride to pulse. So I drove them to pulse and told him if he wanted a ride home I'd be there in like 5 minutes so he came outside and we left. And he wouldn't tell me where to turn hahaha and I'm like soooo we just gonna keep driving or are you gonna tell me where I'm going? And he's like well I kinda wanna just keep driving, I want to hang out with you. So we sat in front of his house and made our and talked hahahahaha it was like being16 again I swear hahaha. Then he convinced me he should come to my house so we just came and layed in my bed and chatted for like an hour or two and went to bed.
Then this morning we fooled around a bit and he fell back asleep so I just came out of my room and watched basektball. Then he got up and came and hung out with me for like two hours. We just like talked because there was nothing on tv and I don't know where I'm at. I thought it was weird because last weekend he had his vehicle here and he still did the same thing, like hung out for two hours and just chatted.
I don't know, I guess we'll see how it goes. He knows I'm so effin nervous. I told him straight up last night that I have avoided hanging out with all dudes in this manner for so long. He was really good about it so who knows I guess.
As the night progressed we started chatting and then we danced and then I had to leave and he was like well what about me? And I was kinda like what about you? hahahaha. But I told him to call me if he needed a ride home and he's like I'm going to. I was just kind of like whatever. haha so he kept texting me and was like are you already gone but it turned out that after I dropped off CE, AD and their girlfriends that VL, HM, MH and MG needed a ride to pulse. So I drove them to pulse and told him if he wanted a ride home I'd be there in like 5 minutes so he came outside and we left. And he wouldn't tell me where to turn hahaha and I'm like soooo we just gonna keep driving or are you gonna tell me where I'm going? And he's like well I kinda wanna just keep driving, I want to hang out with you. So we sat in front of his house and made our and talked hahahahaha it was like being16 again I swear hahaha. Then he convinced me he should come to my house so we just came and layed in my bed and chatted for like an hour or two and went to bed.
Then this morning we fooled around a bit and he fell back asleep so I just came out of my room and watched basektball. Then he got up and came and hung out with me for like two hours. We just like talked because there was nothing on tv and I don't know where I'm at. I thought it was weird because last weekend he had his vehicle here and he still did the same thing, like hung out for two hours and just chatted.
I don't know, I guess we'll see how it goes. He knows I'm so effin nervous. I told him straight up last night that I have avoided hanging out with all dudes in this manner for so long. He was really good about it so who knows I guess.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)