and you told me you weren't like that anymore

you didn't change, you pretended to change for me. you knew the 'sleeping around' thing just wasn't my thing. you knew if i thought you were a slut i wouldn't even consider it. i wouldn't consider you. at all. so you stopped. for like a year. for me. and somehow i feel responsible. it's not my fault, i'm just glad i know the truth now. i'm sorry you felt like you had to change for me. you didn't. i really liked you for you. i just couldn't commit. and it was awful. i couldn't just let go of something silly from my past to enjoy being with you. and i almost regret it now. almost. but it wasn't meant to be. what i wonder is how much i screwed you up. i mean, he screwed me up and i knew that; yet i screwed you up. i mean you slept with a random girl while you were "dating" someone else. a silly long distance realtionship i might add but a relationship at that. that's just not you. not the you i knew anyways. it's hard for me to believe. it actually made me nauseaus. that's just nto a cool thing to do. first of all sleeping with a random girl is disgusting, let alone while you have a girlfriend. you couldn't just tell her you didn't want that? i mean i only kissed soemone else and i still feel bad some days, okay so he was your best friend and that was a shady thing to do, but i still felt awful. i still do. it was just a silly thing to do. and you were really hurt. i mean i tried to tell you and not ruin your friendship of years but it just never happened. and even though i never straight up said i kissed him, you knew. you knew and you told people you knew. which is really sucky. but you cheated on her. you slept with a random girl. you were dating. i just can't believe it. i don't want to believe it. but unfortunately, it's true.

yet everything is different.

it's october again; the leaves are coming down.
one more year's come and gone;
and nothing's changed at all.

i swear this isn't who i'm meant to be.

i want to be somebody who can face the things that i've been running from.

i'm an expert at play it safe and keep it cool.

let me feel, i don't care if i break down.
let me fall, even if i hit the ground.
and if i die a little, cry a little, at least i know i've lived.

and now i don't know what to do.

i fucked up.
bad.

i might bust in the back of the church and start yellin

listen up cause i love you lady,
we go back like 1980.
Lord knows you're the one who changed me;
you love me cause i'm so crazy,
you'll see it'll be you and me always; always.

you aren't going to define me

i don't want this to define me.

i remember the music.

there are songs that make us want to dance.
songs that make us want to sing along.
but the best songs are the ones that bring you back to the moment you first heard them.
and once again break your heart.

but that's true love.

it's gotta be that can't eat, can't sleep; reach for the moon, over the fence, world series kinda stuff.

no matter how hard it is.

facing the truth is so much easier then all the time and energy it takes to run from it.

stay beautiful.

you're beautiful, every little piece love.
and don't you know;
you're really going to be someone.
ask anyone.

i don't want to.

i did something;
and i can't take it back.

i breathe in, i breathe out.

i thought i'd miss you more. for real. i mean, there's a lot of history there. maybe i wanted to miss you because of that history. but i actually don't. i think it's crazy. i mean i actually stopped missing you. it's hard to believe you can stop missing someone you love. i just don't. i miss the way we used to be, but that was a really long time ago. i have thought about you here and there, when i tell a favorite story. but i don't miss you. i just wonder why i'm talking about you and change the subject. it's funny, you know. the way things change. the way people change. i had a shitty day, and for once, i didn't think of you and how much better i'd feel if i talked to you. i just went on without you. it felt good, really good. i was worried about making the right choice. but i think i did. i think this will be better for me. and maybe you too.

with you i'd dance in a storm in my best dress.

in this passenger seat, you put your eyes on me
in this moment, now capture it, remember it.

we're driving down the road,

i wonder if you know
i'm trying so hard, not to get caught up now.

it's fearless.

but you're just so cool,
run your hands through your hair;
absent-mindedly making me want you.