Confused.

A part of me doesn't understand men though. I mean, I inherently over analyze everything and I know that I'm doing that right now. So on Tuesday, he bought my dinner and made a special trip to get me a coffee even though he didn't want one. On Thursday, we went for coffee on our prep and he didn't get one, drove, and wasn't going to let me pay until I forced him. On Friday, he said are you going to go for a drink and I said I don't know maybe. He's like maybe ..what do you mean, are you going or not because I'm not going unless you go? I was still on the fence but he convinced me to go. As soon as I sat down, there were 2 lemon drop shots placed in front of me, that I of course didn't pay for. 

I'm mostly perplexed by our conversations and the fact we've talked about it so candidly and he says and does the things he does but it's still in the pre-phase. I don't understand why we 

haven't crossed the line to be honest. 

I know it's a terrible idea and so does he because well it crosses sooo many lines.  Comments are being made about us now by a few people. We were walking down the hall together the other day because we were leaving and H said to us, "you two better be careful, people are going to start talking about how much time you spend together".  D and I laughed and he says, "nah, if we were sleeping together we wouldn't be caught anywhere near each other". 

He has a point. Another day RD said, hey b, where's your buddy D? I said beats me?! The entire staff room looks at me like what are we missing. 

When we went for coffee I know people were talking because we left together on our prep that's the same. 

In the dance, this kid who has already asked us why we aren't together and told D that he likes us together grabs my hand, grabs D's hand and pulls us towards each other and both of us just burst out laughing. 

Needless to say, people are talking. 

Fun.

Content.

It's Halloween and I'm perfectly content at home. I am looking at social media at all the people going out and I don't feel like I'm missing out, at all. I was invited to do multiple things tonight, originally I was supposed to work. But I feel content at home, doing school work and watching hockey with a glass of wine in hand. I just feel over it. I was too tired to even conceive the idea of going out.
I honestly am really happy. I wish I had someone to share nights like this with but I'm okay without him.
I am thinking of moving and I am so torn. I think it's the best move financially for now. I should really do it and I know that I should. It's not like I'm really giving up my independence either.
I don't know we'll see.

Fun.

Comments all across the board. What do you do when you know something is a bad idea but you want to do it anyways. I mean getting involved, even if only sexually with someone at work is a bad idea. I know that. But I mean, I want to sooooo bad. 

Yesterday morning we're standing in the gym and he says, "I'm so stressed," so I asked why. He said because somebody thinks I would be fun to sleep with. No one has ever said that to be before. I'm like you're kidding. He's like no one has ever said they think I would be "fun" to sleep with. What the fuck does that mean? Fun? Not wild, or crazy or exotic in bed, fun? You think I'm gonna crack a joke or what?!  I'm flattered but come on, why the word fun? 

I nearly died. 

Haha so later in the day he says we should've dealt with this last week but we had other things to think about... Like how fun I am! 

I laughed and said hey I could've said I think you'd be boring. It would probably be terrible. He just looks at me with the most intense confidence and says it wouldn't, I'm certain of it. 

Again later a few of us were talking about the song ignition and one girl said how come that's not on the playlist. He's like that's on a VERY different playlist. The other girl says ya haha the one that require Kleenex and a hand. He just looks at me and smirks. 

Oh the places this disaster could go.