Be good. Find good.

Teachers.

Nathan Scott

"It's the oldest story in the world. One day you're seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And that someday is yesterday. And this is your life." 

Little things.

Today I opened the door for D's classroom and a girl in his class said to me, "you look so pretty today". I was speechless. I was wearing my glasses, my hair was in a messy bun, I had a blue scarf with mustard yellow pants and a black shirt. I didn't feel like I looked good today at all. We need more people like that in the world. In leadership, we talk about that all the time. And I wonder if that kind of thing can really make a difference. It's like we are afraid to sound creepy or overbearing when we compliment others. I asked my kids how many of them feel uncomfortable when someone compliments them, more than half raised their hands. That's a problem to me. We need to build a culture that encourages building each other up, little by little. 

Cool.

I am furious still. Last night I sent J a picture of the Chelsea fixture. And I said what do you think about going to this? And he said I'm already booked with T, hospitality packages... Stupid expensive then something about being a red member and tickets going on sale in December. All I replied was cool. So he said cool back. 

I'm upset because for over 6 months he's been asking me what game I want to go to this year. He asked me before the fixtures came out, when the fixtures came out, in the summer, and in the fall when he asked me to the other game I couldn't swing I told him specifically this is the game I want to go to. Every time I have said this particular game. And now he's going with his brother without even a mention of it. And I get it, they're brothers, they cheer for the same team and it's a big game. My frustration comes from the fact that he's asked me. He is the one who, on numerous occasions has asked me which game I want to go to. He is the one who asked me to go in the fall. He is the one who has repeatedly asked me when I want to go. He knows that's the game I want to go to. And the fact that he makes a comment about how expensive it is also pisses me off. I can make something like that happen. I could've made the fall happen but it would have been irresponsible especially for a game I didn't care that much about. And now I am just so annoyed with him. 

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Do better.

And start treating myself like I do.

I just want to take your time.

I'm going to step back from D. Yes, he's good to me but the more I think about t, the more it stresses me out. While I love J and I'm grateful to have him in my life, I cannot do this again. I cannot have another J. It will kill me. I cannot do another all over the place crossing professional lines but never fully crossing them garbage. I can't do the says he's here for me but makes it difficult because he's all over the place again. 

At some point you have to protect yourself.