You would see the biggest gift would be from me.

P.S. in case you were wondering about the previous blog title I was clearing belting out the song from Golden Girls hahahaha

Thank you for being a friend.

I seriously love S. I find her so easy to talk to. We can talk about serious things, intellectual things, gossip-y things and sex things. I don't mean like regular sex things I mean the shit you can't mention to anybody else Tonight we were talking about something and it was like it seems like a reasonable idea at first but then you just hit a very quick ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION. And I seriously died laughing because that is exactly how I felt.

You still own my heart.

I can go where I wanna go, do what I wanna do, be who I wanna be; but baby, you still own me.

I need a change.

Is it always going to be this way.

Silly girl.

I wish I listened to my head instead of my guts sometimes.

Though time and time I've told her so.

She don't know she's beautiful.

Food network star

If you wanna go fast, you go by yourself. If you wanna go far, go with your family.
- Ivan

Said I wouldn't call but I need you now.

Life's about to get harder. Most of the time, I don't want someone to complicate it. But sometimes it'd be nice to have someone hold me in their arms and tell me it's going to be okay. Even if they know I have a road through hell before reaching okay.

Can't you tell, this is Austin and I still love you.

If you're calling 'bout my heart it's still yours. I should've listened to it a little more, then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt.

It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, starts with goodbye.

Feeling it already.

Have you ever used an ab roller? Basically it's a miniature wheel with handles and you do pushup formation only it is the most ridiculous ab workout you can imagine.

I actually laughed so hard

Grow up.

I feel disconnected from a lot of my friends. I've had some stuff going on lately and I am not overly interested in partying and I just have been spending a lot of time alone or with the family.
I don't know. At the beginning of summer I partied a lot and it was great I had fun but now I'm just over it. I have priorities and I realized why I don't really drink, why I don't miss not drinking. I am already probably 6 lbs down since I haven't been drinking last week. I guess I just have so many things I want to accomplish and wasting money on booze isn't going to get me there. It really just slows the process.
I want to start setting myself up for the rest of my life you know? I want to start saving for a house and retirement so that I can live the type of life I want to. I don't even enjoy being drunk very often and I wake up useless and fat.
HJR and I went for a walk last night and she's just doing so great and I just want to be like that. I just want to be happy.

So true.

Let it go, see what tomorrow brings.

Don't worry 'bout nothing,
Pray about everything.

Sooo early

I am so not excited to get up at 430 am. I work at the gym at 515 fml.

De-stressed.

P.S. that kid is so good in bed. Holy fuck. I am actually sore today. Thanks babe.

Reaffirmed.

Sorry now that I've had my Fifty Shades of Grey moment, I will finish the story. So we were laying in my bed and he was like why are you so nice to me? I just don't get it. And I was like why wouldn't I be? And he's like I'm an ass B. I am selfish and I only think about myself and it hurts you and I'm so sorry. I feel so bad because you are still so nice to me. And I was like I always will be no matter what. And he's like why though. I'm like you know why.
I told him he shouldn't be at my house and I was mad at him and we shouldn't be doing this. And he said I know, but sometimes I just can't control myself, I need to be with you. And we talked about how hard it is because it's still there and neither of us can be with anyone else. I really love that kid. And I am not upset with what happened, I am quite satisfied because I needed to hear some of the stuff he said.

6+6

I won't lie, I find it incredibly attractive when a boy tells me what I am doing. Number twelve very rarely tells me what to do or what is happening but occasionally he is bold and demanding and controlling. Last night he was. He said straight up we are spending this night together. And that was the end of it. It wasn't negotiable. And that's kind of what sold me.

never a dull moment.

So last night was an interesting night. I went to the beer gardens with ME and her little sister. It was crazy. Like the most ridiculous blast from the past ever. High school reunion is what it was. Only a high school reunion with people I don't care to speak to like ever again.
I wasn't feeling great though so I just drove then I went to the bar and it was ridiculous. I didn't want to be there so I left but I knew I had to pick up ME later so I didn't go to sleep. I saw number twelve and he said hello but we never talked much. We had been texting all night and he was with his friends and I was with mine. We have been talking quite a bit every day. It is kind of weird but it has been really nice.
So when I said I was picking up ME he was like could you pick us up too. So I went and picked him and a buddy up. I dropped his buddy off and as I went to drop number twelve off it was different. He told me to come inside and was speaking as though we were spending the night together. I was like no I'm not coming inside. Your parents are home, I'm not doing that. And he was like arguing with me for quite awhile. So finally he went to get out and he gave me a hug but he just wouldn't let go and he was like you'd better park and come inside. And I was like no. He was like B, we are spending the night together. I am going to hold you all night long because you deserve it. So either come inside or we're going to your house.
So we went to my house and we talked. I lay in his arms and I started to melt.

My laptop is going to die so I will post the rest on my phone.