This was never my world, you took the angel away.

We were too dumb to run, too dead to die.

just be healthy, take care of you.

There is this girl and she, in my opinion, has an eating disorder. She lives with JP and she is seriously like obsessed with 'fitness'. But the girl is probably a size 0 or 2 and talks about her need to lose weight. I've been through an eating disorder, like I know one when I see one. She posts on instagram allllll the time about all the healthy shit she is eating and doing etc. Like the other day she posted a picture of broccoli, chicken and sweet potatoes and said "last cheat meal". I hate to break it to you sweetheart, but if you think that is a cheat mean, you are anorexic. Like that it a good healthy meal, not a 'cheat meal'. A cheat meal is different for everyone but it means like pasta, or ice cream or whatever you really like to have but isn't overly good for you. Broccoli, Chicken and Sweet Potatoes are all really good for you. And yeah I guess it's a cheat meal if you have gigantic portions but your cheat meal shouldn't be gigantic portions. That is one of the biggest problems with obesity in Canada and the United States. We have no idea how to control portion size. Like we get a PROPERLY portioned meal and everyone is like uhh where's the rest of it. You aren't supposed to eat that much at a time, it's not good for you and your body cannot process it. It's the same with why binge drinking or drugs are bad for you. Having a glass of wine every day is not going to kill your liver. Having 3 bottles of wine every Friday and Saturday night will.
I posted a picture on instagram of my post-gym snack and protein shake to see if she would catch on. Nope she thinks that it's great and likely thinks I am copying her. Well sweetheart, here's the difference, I don't need to post every meal or every time I go to the gym because I do it for myself not for somebody else. And that's a serious difference. I like going to the gym, I feel good. And yes, some days it's hard because I would love to just lay on my lazy ass and do nothing, and sometimes that's okay but most of the time, I convince myself to go because I know how much better I will feel. I'm more energized, I sleep better. To me, especially as a busy student, these things are important. I don't have all the extra time in the world and some days that means I only get a half hour bike ride but that half hour releases so much stress and I feel a world of difference.
Eating healthy, it can seriously change your life. I don't care if you are fat or skinny or you like chocolate. I am not skinny. I am self-conscious and you know what I DO love chocolate. I love to eat things that are bad for me. But I really try to keep it in moderation. Like I have fruit popsicles that are tasty as fuck. I love them. I used to eat a fair amount of fast food and I can't anymore. I stopped and now it makes me sick, even when I'm hungover. My body is not used to processing that.
I'm not saying everyone needs to be thin. I think some of the most beautiful girls are what the media would call "plus sized". I think it's gross to be anorexic skinny. But it's YOUR body and the most important part is that you take care of it because it can change your life.

It won't be on me.

Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey.

Happy birthday szarkalicious

Sometimes I have the best days. Today was a great day. I got my practicum placement and it was DS' birthday. Love that kid. Tswift came on and him and another kid were singing like loud and belting out the oooohhhh ohh ohh ooh ohhhhhh of we are never ever getting back together.

Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in, so shame on me now.

Why does it always have to be so complicated?

Soo there's a boy in my class and I think he's wonderful. Like great looking guy, intelligent, makes me laugh. BUT he has a girlfriend.... from what I presume is quiet a long time. And well, she hates me.. and I've never even met her. We have every class together so we talk lots and there's a pretty strong chance that we are going to get placed close together for our practicums. He's an awesome guy and I actually enjoy having a conversation with him... aka he's not a hockey player that talks about himself all the time. He can have engaging and serious and insightful conversations but still joke around about ridiculous shit too.
Today he seemed really like sad it was weird. I thought he was going to cry. But it was funny because I was eating a banana and he was staring at me and of course me being me I was like helloo what is that look for. And he was like what look? And I just laughed.
He's been really good about my concussion too. And then tonight he texted me and we had a nice chat about being in the same school etc. But it was weird, he sent a wink face hahaha and I was with TK and she's like dude what kind of guy sends wink faces to a girl when he has a girlfriend? And I agreed so I didn't answer him. I can't be that girl again. I will not be the other girl. And yeah last time I had someone else too but I just cannot be the other girl. I don't want to go through the situation I went through with sunshine either. I just want it to be simple for once. Easy. Isn't it supposed to be easy?

Pitch Perfect.

I also went to Pitch Perfect tonight. Awful movie just terrible but seriously hilarious. Like laugh out loud for most of the movie. Clever little jabs that I found hilarious too.

Aca-awkward.

I had a nice awkward encounter with the hickey cowboy tonight. It was probably a 12 on a 1-10 scale of awkwardness. We both just did the awkward head nod hahahahaha.

Twilight.

I'm watching twilight because I'm pretty awesome in a thirteen year old girl type way. And I just wanted to point out that Robert Pattinson is super hot in a I'm a badass that would probably treat you shitty because I am a cocky Brit that dresses well.
And I also wanted to point out that Taylor Lautner is a complete and utter smokeshow that is incredibly sweet and adorable and was like 10 feet away from me in New York City.

Lame ass concussions.

My head still hurts immensely. Like it is so hard to concentrate. How do you get a concussion like this. Like hat bullshit.

They call this winning.

Just thought everyone would like to know that K folded my laundry this morning (whipped).
Then tonight his girlfriend brought us home made brownies and all the fixings then proceeded to make me a brownie sundae. Like hellooooo best life ever minus I'm gonna get fat with all her treats.

Heart of a fighter, I'm a survivor.

My roots are planted in the past and though my life is changing fast,
who I am is who I want to be.

What else is there.

I found out something interesting yesterday and I have kind of been thinking about it. The source isn't entirely reliable but I wasn't really surprised by the statement. I don't know what to think. It's hard you know when you want to trust people but you inherently don't. And in this case, if I trust one friend, I  would have been lied to by another. It's a lose-lose situation really. I don't know I guess I am just a little blown away by the idea. It's hard to imagine that the people you trusted most aren't really the ones you should trust most.
It's like some sort of perpetual symbol from the universe bonking me on the head repeatedly. "Do not trust anybody". It's like over and over I realize that people cannot be trusted and yet I still long to find someone worth trusting. I never even trusted number twelve completely. He is probably the closest I ever got, him or LG but I still don't trust either of them fully. I don't know. I wish I could just tell if people were lying. Like I had some sort of radar... I usually have a pretty good idea, but this is serious stuff. I always want to know the truth.

I love this.

"Feelings and/or emotions are complex- they are highly personal, unique and at times unusual, inexpressible. If you can, they are to be delicately expressed with the risk of still being greatly misunderstood. Words sometimes don't tell the whole picture no matter how hard you try. What I mean is that the words we choose to share, as they escape from the tips of our lips, are stories within the context of our own experiences, our own understanding; basically a charge of its own that is vastly different from yours." 

-Universoul Mind

http://universoul.tumblr.com/ 

It's always going to be there, isn't it.

JP and I kind of talked about number twelve tonight. And the other day she asked me if I still saw a future with him. And I kind of lied. I gave an ambiguous not really answer kind of answer. Tonight she told me she doesn't think this is the end but she's proud of me for the way I'm handling it. And the way I am burying it enough to live life without him and have fun as a 21 year old.
That meant a lot to me. I needed to hear that. She told me that there was something she saw in the way we look at each other. The way we are around each other. And it's easier when I don't see him. It's easier when I'm here and having fun and such. But I drove by him on Thanksgiving Monday and my stomach dropped and my heart melted. It ached. It longed.