processing.

remind me to tell you about the psychic/energist/medium I went to today. I am in a fucked head space to put it mildly.

wish me luck.

I don't know how I'm going to get up at 6 two days a week fml. I start my practicum today.... for the job I'm pretty sure I don't want to do. I'm not really nervous just trying to be awake!

12.

I figured it out. I'm not entirely sure who I am yet. But when I'm around you, I know who I want to be. And now I'm just trying to figure out how to be that person; with you or without you.

blair waldorf.

"It's taking all the power I have to walk away from you".

what's the point of a bandwagon if you don't jump on?

I definitely joined twitter today. I used to have an account but I never used it so now I do. Follow me at @brookebaaker.

small towns have their perks.

I want to marry a southern gentleman. I'm watching this new shoe called Hart of Dixie with Rachel Bilson and I like it so far. Great country music in it and southern Alabama gentlemen. I want a  boy that opens my doors and carries my luggage and holds my hand in his truck while we're driving. I want a boy that respects who I am and who takes me to do romantic things like a picnic in the park. I want a boy that loves me for me and holds me all night long. I want a boy that kisses me on the first date but forces me to go inside while he waits to know I'm safe. I want a boy that introduces himself to my parents and a boy that asks my parents permission for my hand in marriage. I want a boy that is handsome but doesn't know it and a boy who's going to change the world but doesn't quite realize how amazing he is. I want a boy that is full of ambition but doesn't quite realize how much potential he has. I want a boy that makes fun of me in a fun way but kisses me while the smile's still on his face. I want a boy that looks as good in jeans as he does in a suit.

GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK.

Also, apparently being wtf in my tone of voice, ignoring text messages and a facebook invite weren't obvious enough. I got a facebook message from PT today saying "hey did you delete me from bbm?" YES I FUCKING DELETED YOU YOU PSYCHO. GET THE FUCKING HINT. I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME.
I blocked him on facebook so it shouldn't even come up when he searches my name. I didn't answer again but legitimately if this boy doesn't get the message this time I am going to be like yo buddy what the fuck. Get a fucking life. Stay the hell away from me you nut job.

I legitimately mean chuck bass, the character.

OH MY GOSH!!! CHUCK BASS IS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!!!!!

not stoked.

I am currently working on a research proposal for my Western Canadian history class. And please, let me tell you how NOT awesome it is.

cyril connolly.

"Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self."

take a fucking hint.

To top off yesterday, PT invited me to be his facebook friend today. I ignored it (OBVIOUSLY) and Kand I had a good chat about it. Seriously buddy, fuck off. What would make you think I want you to be in any part of my life... at all?

no wonder I am a nerd.

One of my favorite feelings... crossing things off of my to-do list.

Education - letter to TA
     - writing prompt
     - presentation reflection
     - journal entry

Neuroscience- Read Chapter 4
      - definitions

History of Western Canada- essay proposal
        - read FPW chapters 3 and 4
        - read BCLP chapters 1-3

Philosophy - read 43-82
       - read introduction and 133-157

History of Homicide - readings/comments

I hope that's me.

and you keep on wondering who is gonna love you like I already do.
and I keep wondering when you'll see.

and I pray.

God, grant me the

serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

courage

to change the things I can and

wisdom

to know the difference.

you're everything I'll ever need.

All I want is number twelve to hold me in his arms right now. It's the only thing that will make me feel safe. It's the only thing that will make me feel better. I'm trying to be okay but I'm just not. I cannot explain the feeling of 30 seconds in his arms. The entire world stops and everything is okay again.
Moments in his arms and I believe again.

why is it always me?

Just to top off my day, I was studying and then KS convinced me to go for a few drinks at Moxies which is much more my type of evening than getting sloppy drunk with a bunch of first years (the other thing I was offered to do tonight). So I was getting ready and the doorbell rings so I went upstairs and by the time I got to the door I couldn't see anyone through the peep hole and K wasn't home so I didn't open the door. And then I go back downstairs and someone knocks on my window. Despite having a minor heart attack, it was P (the guy from last night/this morning) and he was looking for his phone. I was SKETCHED the f out. I was like no I do not have your phone I gave it to KG exactly like I said I was going to. Then he asked me what I was doing tonight and if I wanted to hang out etc. I am legitimately like wtf buddy. This is not cool. It's creepy and stalkerish. I am just stressed out about it. K was like tell that dude to fuck off. He is being all protective and brotherly and it's kinda nice to know he has my back. Not that I doubted him, but it's nice to know he'd actually go out of his way to be there for me. OH and THEN P texted me and said hey you seemed a little creeped out and I'm sorry I didn't mean to do that. OF COURSE I WAS CREEPED OUT AND THOUGHT WHAT THE FUCK. As K put it, at what point would that ever seem like a good idea?
So I didn't want to stay home especially after that so I went and picked up KS and her bf CM and her little brother SS. And we went to this girl's house (who has pet snakes and they were like mad I wouldn't touch their snake looking at me like I'm the crazy one... GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK HERE! You have two fucking snakes that you treat like kittens). Then we all went to Moxies and I felt really good because I was dressed really cute and I had a Mexican Bulldog and a bite of brownie (white chocolate and to die for). And then we went to Pulse hahaha. Which is the Lethvegas version of Lotus. Anyways I was afraid I'd ruin my shoes but I was only there for like half an hour. Now I'm sitting in bed watching Gilmore Girls, too stressed out to sleep.