Progress is appreciated.

So today I had two really nice moments with him and I'm really happy he's being like this. This afternoon I made a comment about the tennis balls outside my house this morning being a sign and the European lady who was grilling me about playing tennis and he said I'm serious B, I'll teach you and E. I'm like yeah I need to go get a racquet. And he's like no I have an extra one. So that was nice. 

And then tonight I said ugh the bald Man U guy is here and I told him his jersey made me want to puke and he said have you ever even been to a game in the flesh? And I said no. And he said wel you're not a true friend. So now we HAVE to go to a game this year. And he said okay, Chelsea in January.  

Soo maybe we're going to a soccer game? 

The Kite Runner

The only sin.

Naive thought.

Progress. A good start.

Today was interesting. It was our first day of work together since our little chat. He made a point to say hello as soon as he got there and he made a point to come say goodbye before he left. He's trying. And I appreciate that. He jokingly waved his tennis racket at me as though he were going to whack me with it and I said, "E and I are going to learn to play tennis!" He's like really!?!? Gooooddd! Finally! (He's being trying to convince me for like 2 years). So then I said yeah I know I really want to learn. And he says, I'll teach you! 

He knows he fucked right up and he thought he lost me. I hope he realizes how valuable I am. Because it broke my heart not to have him around and I hope he realized it broke his to lose me. 

Silly.

Last night went pretty well, I guess. I mean we really danced around the issues and talked about other stuff. The first thing he said when I got there was, "I'm sorry". He has probably said I'm sorry to me 4 times in his life. He said, "First of all, I'm sorry because your feelings are clearly hurt and that's not okay nor is it my intention. I don't want to make you upset".
I appreciate that he started out by apologizing instead of on a confrontational basis. He rarely takes responsibility for doing anything wrong so it was nice that he started off that way. We talked a little bit about it but mostly, I am just happy to how he responded. I told him that too. This morning was the most I felt like you cared about our friendship in months. And he's like obviously you feel like this is one sided and we can fix that but you have to talk to me when you're upset about something. So we'll see how things go from here.
DVZ asked me today if I had a key to his house. She's like you guys are seriously dating without sex. You're married. It's ridiculous.

Speechless.

Jesus Christ. That did not go how I expected it to go. My heart is pounding in my chest and there are butterflies the size of fucking rabbits playing tag in my stomach. This is the first time in a long time I've felt like I matter, at all, to him. He said I feel like I've lost a friend and I don't even know why so when you're ready to fix it we can talk about it. 

So I guess we're going to talk about it this afternoon. 

Steve Toltz.

People aren't looking for answers. They're looking for facts to prove their case. 

Insightful book.

When you're falling, the only thing you have to hold onto is yourself. 

-Steve Toltz