Grateful.

Sometimes your heart breaks in a good way... Like when you realize how lucky you are to have certain people in your life. How lucky you are to have friends that would do for you what you would do for them. 

And to love.

I think in the end all any of us want is to be loved.

Here's to me, and them.

Tonight I realized that I really lucky. I'm lucky to be who I am. I'm lucky to have the friend I have. I'm lucky to have a friend who calls after a date because he's excited to talk about it and encourages me to be better, to do better. 

I realized I'm really happy. It's nearly 4am and this is the earliest I've been home all week. I am laying in bed thinking about all the breakdowns I've had a few says after I took steps away from number twelve... I'm not broken this time. I spend time with people who build me up every single day and they have absolutely no idea they do. 

This girl inspires me all the time.

This passage changed my life. I have to remind myself of its truth often. 

Harry Potter had my heart first.

I really love this.

I can always find a way to not give myself a chance.

I have been thinking about it a lot, especially on my drive today. NC (number twelve's sister) picked me up from school today and we basically toured southern Alberta for her job. She's a Labatt rep so she basically drives to liquor stores and sets up the marketing stuff and has people sign things. We were talking about my week etc. and how fun it's been and what I've done and she's like well it kind of sounds like you're dating... are you sure you're not? And I was like absolutely sure. And then it got me to thinking about it. And I was thinking about how I think he's a brilliant man to marry but my heart doesn't jump when I see him. Obviously he makes me very happy and I have a great time when we hang out but in my head I'm not like I want to kiss him or bang him or any of those things. And I feel like those are some important features of a relationship unfortunately.

Nonsense.

Have you ever had a friend where you love them as a friend but you're unsure of  how you feel about them as more than a friend? Male/ female friendships in my life have a complicated history. Maybe it's just I find him attractive but that's all. I honestly love the kid. He's a wonderful person and a great friend. He's good looking and kind and fun. But I don't know if I feel like there could ever be more. You know?