unappreciated.

I feel unappreciated. That's all I have to say.

only silence as it's ending, like we never had a chance.

As the smoke clears
I awaken, and untangle you from me
Would it make you, feel better to watch me while I bleed?
All my windows, still are broken
But I'm standing on my feet.

would it make you feel better to watch me bleed?

Skies are crying, I am watching
Catching teardrops in my hands
Only silence as it's ending, like we never had a chance
Do you have to, make me feel like there is nothing left of me?

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper

that's the truth.

fucckkkk my life.

I'm in such a fucked mood. I am a combination of hungover, exhausted and extremely pissed off. And let me tell you that is NOT a good combo. I am so grumpy and I do not want to go to work and deal with a bunch of rich arrogant fucks. UGH.

finally content with a past I regret.

I loved like I should, but lived like I shouldn't.
I had to lose everything to find out.
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road.
I'm moving on.

prepare yourself for my rage.

I'm so fucking annoyed right now. I want to punch number twelve. What a fucking dick. He legitimately is such an idiotic boy some days. Like yesterday I went to ME's 18th birthday and it cheered me up because all morning I was crying and sad about number twelve and thinking about how much I miss him and shit. And now I would smack him if I saw him. After her birthday antelope hunter's little brother AE text me and told me to come chill out and make him some food at like 2am hahaha. So I went there and we sat in their kitchen and talked for like 3 hours. We had a really good chat actually and I think he was just a bit lonely with his whole fam gone. So we sat there chatting about everything. He talked about his love life and all the little ladies in love with him ( I must admit the kid's a boss. He's pretty sexy for a 16 year old and the kid is hilarious. He's a cocky athlete and he is just so entertaining. He tries to be tough and such but in all reality he's a sweetheart and I hope he finds a really nice girlfriend that isn't a little slut but treats him super good.
Anyways so during our chat we also discussed number twelve, as we always do. And he told me that he was talking him the other day and was like dude what's your sitch with b? And number twelve has just thoroughly enjoyed talking shit about me for quite some time. He also said that yeah he's slutting it up and it's awesome going out and partying etc. etc. but he intends to get back together after that.
Pardon fucking me? You think that it's okay to treat me like complete garbage for a fucking year and then it's just all going to be okay? You think that it's okay to make me feel guilty and use the fact I cheated on you against me all the while you're consciously and intentionally banging  broads, knowingly hurting me and it's a reasonable thing to do? FUCK YOU. That is one of the most brutal things I've ever had anyone done. And fuck you for being so fucking condescending. What I did was wrong and there is no excuse for it. Yet, I admitted it, owned up to it and spent the last fucking year trying to show you that it was a mistake and I'd take it back if I could. What you're doing is no better. You are not better than me. You are going around on a high horse pretending you are so perfect and all of our relationship issues were my fault. Well fuck that. You want to be honest? There was a whole lot of things wrong with our relationship that were partly your fault that led to me cheating on you. So yes I fucked up but I am not perfect. I gave you everything I had and you destroyed me. Be a fucking man and own up to your fucking mistakes too.