i can't breathe without you.

i don't know what to be without you around.

it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down

music starts playing like the end of a sad movie,
it's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.

and i don't know if it'll ever be the same.

he left.

bob marley.

you may not be her first, her last, or her only. she loved before and she may love again. but she loves you now, what else matters? she's not perfect- you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together. but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. she may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break-her heart. so don't hur her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad and miss her when she's gone.

i guess it's better than nothing at all.

right now, all i can feel is hurt.

published #2

it's finally done, the book. it's been sent to print.
i cannot wait to see the finished product.

fucking skanks.

i wish there was such thing as ownership in our society. i feel like people have just come to the conclusion that they should have everything handed to them and when things go wrong it is not their fault.
for example, parents who do not discipline their children. you are not their friend, you are their parent. reality check: your kid is the little shithead that is misbehaved and no one likes.
example two, at work we are given free ice cream for us. not our families and friends, for us. which in my opinion is pretty freaking generous. however there are still girls that take so much that it's stupid and there's no way they could eat it alone even if they had an ice cream addiction. fyi. it's their livelihood. pull your head out of you ass and buy your mom, dad, brother, sister and friends an ice cream if you don't want them to pay.

love history, hate history papers.

i am officially done my first paper of the year. edited, handed in and everything. feels good baby. now i can do historyy yaay.

i wonder how that happened.

i have a terrible cupcake craving now.

blog worthy, i think.

so i just searched taylor swift in my blog and NO results showed up. haha it was funny to me.

endless letters on a page.

dear s,
how do you focus allll the time??? i'm dying. i am really trying in school but i just can't get settled to write this paper. i have found every possible procrastination technique imaginable and it's not even a bad paper. how do you stay so on task???

love b.

i miss you like crazy.

long distance relationships are so stupid. if you can even call it a relationship. i don't want him here so we can go out, i don't want him here so he can cook for me or take me somewhere or do anything at all. all i want his for him to be sitting here, right beside me, doing homework.
i just want him here.

wolfblass yellow label.

ever notice how a glass of wine is never just a glass?
somehow last night turned into a bottle and a half.

she's my best friend.

it's hard to watch someone waste their incredible.
it's hard to watch someone think they're nothing when they're everything.
it's hard to watch someone bathe in unhappiness when they can do anything in this world.

quoted.

the happiest people don't have the best of everything;
they make the best of everything they have.

the truth hurts.

i'm currently making some changes in my life.
if you don't hear from me, you're one of them.

it's always about a boy.

she's got her hopes up, got 'em up to there.

what measure of time can alter a life?

people fascinate me. i think that's why i enjoyed having so many so-called meaningless conversations with people. think about a conversation with someone that isn't popular, or people don't like, or is different than you. by simply saying hello and asking how they are doing, you can make someone who feels lonely and insignificant feel like they matter. like someone in this world cares how they are doing today. that's a pretty powerful thing to do.
so smile, say hello.
you can change a life with just a few seconds.

realistically.

okay so there are some people that i do miss having in my life. some people i miss talking to and miss just knowing about them and their lives. sure, i still think about people like sunshine somedays. and yeah i wonder how lm is doing. i guess sometimes you have to put your health and sanity before other people. and that's what i had to do. it's hard to put me first, but it's something i've been learning to do. and it's really rewarding when i pull it off.

it's weird you know, how much people change.

it's funny. i used to worry about losing friends and people i cared about after high school. i mean i had a lot of 'friends'. class friendships if you will; people who i was always pleasant to, said hello and had a meaningless conversation just because i could. then there's those really good friendships, or so i thought. close is perhaps a better word than good.
i've kind of come to the realization that if you put in 50 percent of the effort then you've done your part. if someone else isn't willing to put in the other half, then that friendship is just not worth your energy. if you have to put more into it than you're going to get out, you're really not missing anything.
think about it.

addictions counselling.

finishing the first big assignment of the year feels sooo good. it's pretty well done, just have to take a look and check spelling and grammatical errors. yay.
time to start history!

addictions studies.

i just read an incredible article about the correlation between alcohol and high-risk sexual activity amoung college women. not that it's surprising that people have less inhibitions when drinkiing but it was really quite interesting.

it's all i've ever known.

wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts?

it don't make sense to me.

why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart?

consider me gone.

if i'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose, if i'm not that arrow through the heart of you. if you don't get drunk off my kiss, if you think you can do better than this than i guess we're done, let's not drag this on.
consider me gone.

yes, me. it's off.

i shut my phone off so i can escape all of it.

all the things.

i cannot even focus at all right now.
i neeeeed to do homework so bad.
but my mind is just blah.

everything's white.

he didn't have to take anybody.
he knew that taking her would hurt me.
he knew it would.
why would he do that?

picture perfect memories scattered all across the floor.

i'm not doing very good. if i'm honest i'm pretty broken about this whole situation. on friday he told me he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. he's been so distant lately and usually when he gets like that i know he's just trying to be strong and work through things on his own. and i get it, so i just support him and wait for it to pass. but not this time, this time he took it too far. i just have felt so alone lately. then i really love weddings like i love love love them and i haven't been to one as a guest in about 2 years. and i was talking about how bad i wanted to go to one and he's like i know i know you do. (i knew his aunt was getting married.. hint. hint. dumbass). and really what happened is he was taking someone else. another girl, the only one that i hate. and he didn't have the courage to tell me he was going with her. so he just pretended he forgot about the wedding. then he out of nowhere told me he just didn't know if he wanted this anymore. so we fought for 3 hours and i told him to take his space. last night he called me at 1am and said i'm so sorry. i miss you. you're my everything. i'm just so sorry. i can't believe i did this. i can't live without you, i need you. so since i was in calgary with dad i went and saw him this morning. and he told me he went with her. i didn't know what to do. i just left.

12 minutes.

oh good fucking thing it's 12. cause that's never come up in my life before.