Library problems

S and I had a good chat today. I needed it. There's things I can talk to her about that I don't know how to explain to other people. It was good to catch up despite how unproductive I was.

Luthi.

"fairy tales are unreal but they are not untrue; they reflect essential developments and conditions of man's existence".

Do you still have a dream?

The craziest part of him texting me tonight is that for the first time in a long time, I dreamed of him last night. For the first time in a long long time, I dreamed about us.

I'm tired of the games.

If you want to be in my life, make an effort.
If you don't, fuck off.

what a joke.

OF COURSE he would text me.

change.

It's kind of funny. I've always wanted to go away for school. I still dream that one day I can go to Duke or UNC. I would absolutely love to go to a big school in the states. I know, I know. The education is no comparative. But it's about the experience for me. It's about getting out. Going so far away I'm forced to build a new life for myself. That's what I want. A completely fresh start. When I was younger, I wanted it so I could run away. I wanted to be as far as possible from this place because I thought I could escape the things that had been troubling me.
Now I just really want to experience the world. I want to see new places and meet new people. People who think differently. People who discuss intelligent things and believe in our ability to change the world.

Fresh Start.

I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life. Well, I do but I need to do something to make money before I get there. I have been looking at schools for masters programs. I think I want to get a masters of counselling. I think it'd be really neat to go to like UVic or UBC. K went to UVic and he absolutely loved it. He said it was so incredible there.
I'd love to go to somewhere like McGill as well. I would just love to go far away. I want to immerse myself in somewhere far away. Somewhere completely new. Fresh.

For blue blue skies

Check out this song, I used to love it.
For Blue Skies- Strays Don't Sleep.

There is only One Tree Hill.

"Every once in awhile, people step up, they rise above themselves.  Sometimes they surprise you and sometimes they fall short.  Life is funny sometimes.  It can push pretty hard but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song, and in the eyes of someone you love.  And if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back."
-Nathan Scott

Too young.

It's sometimes hard because I'm at such a different point in my life than my sisters because one is married with kids and the other is in a serious relationship. It's just shitty because they are so much older and ready to settle down and I'm not. And I feel rushed and I just don't want that.
I'm still dealing with everything from number twelve and I have no desire to enter any sort of relationship-like thing. I just don't want to deal with any sort of seriousness. I just want to be 20 years old and have fun.

Don't think I don't think about it.

Don't think I don't think about it,
Don't think I don't have regrets,
Don't think it don't get to me.
-Darius Rucker

Woops

I'm pretty sure I made out with DR the other night haha I've never even spoken to him haha it was kind of funny but ohh ridiculous single university life

Fresh laundry = best day

Also I washed my blankie, pillow etc. today and it smells sooo good.

Gym talk.

TH and I had a supplements talk tonight. I've never taken a Pre- workout shake but he told me to take a scoop of his tomorrow and see how it goes so I will try that. There's also a shake for during the workout he told me to take tomorrow. Hopefully they work good. I feel so fat lately. I've probably put on like 10-15 lbs since school and I am so unhappy with my body. I feel disgusting. I look disgusting. I hate it. And I need to start doing something about it. I went to the gym for nearly 2 hours today.

She never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind.

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself. For years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath.

Broke ass.

Wine drunk playing board games.

I'm a bitch

“@CauseWereGuys: Hey I just met you. And bitch you crazy. I didn't fuck you. That's not my baby!”

I really want to send this to DK because he loves that song and Carly Rae Jepsen but he might find it offensive seeing as his gf has a kid hahaha

Love.

Tears stream down her face.

You loved like that once, you'll do it again.

I hope that one day I can love the way you love me.

Or turn into Channing Tatum

Dear boys,
Please read a Nicolas Sparks book or watch one of the movies based in his novels and take a hint.
Sincerely,
Every girl ever.

I want to sleep for days

I have been laying in bed for about half an hour and not doing anything. It's kind of nice but I am over thinking everything. I have do much to do and no time to do it.
Or perhaps I have the time but lack all motivation.

Wine drunk.

It is taking everything in my power not to text number twelve right now.

I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes.

All that I know is I don't know how to be someone you miss.