Thankfully.

Good news about being a history major and english minor... apparently writing 20 essays a semester improved my writing since second year.

You've got a good heart, so what?

Do you ever wonder if the choices you make matter? Does being a good person make a difference? 

12.

All she wants is just that something to hold onto, that's all she needs. 

bitter?

Sooooooo this is probably rude but I'm just wondering WHY IN THE FUCK YOU ARE ALWAYS HERE. Quit living with your grandparents at 21 so you can split your time elsewhere.

Flashbacks.

I hate people who victimize others. To make someone not feel safe in their own home, skin, etc. is one of the worst things you can do to a person. To rob them of their sense if security. 

I'm just alone.

I'm afraid of being alone. I'm terrified of always being alone. My mom is this strong independent woman. And I think a huge part of why she's been single for so long is that she's too independent and not-trusting. And I think she's so incredibly strong and I admire her strength so much.
But I fear her strength. I fear that I have that inherent independence. I have this inability to trust people.
All of these people are in relationships, pretty much everyone I know is in a relationship. And I don't honestly care that I'm not in one right now. But it's always been number twelve for me and we've only actually officially dated for like 4 months of the 5 years we were together. We were together for much more than that but the label of boyfriend and girlfriend lasted less than 4 months. And that terrifies me. What if I'm undateable. I know how ridiculous that sounds but at the same time, it's not. Everyone else is always dating. I know that in large part, I don't open myself up to the possibility of dating because no one else is number twelve. But what if I'm so scared that I never let anybody else in.
I have no doubts that I can't make it through this life happily and successfully alone. I doubt that I can't do it with someone else. I fear that I will never be with someone else. I mean it seems so easy for everybody else to find someone. They break up and move on and date someone else. That's never worked for me.
Even when I was crazy about sunshine, I still had a lot to deal with. It's just so hard for me because I see all these happy couples all the time and it's never me. I'm not ever in the relationship. I'm never the happy couple that people wish they were. I'm not the happy couple that makes people believe in love.

Every day of my life.

Yuck.

I have a kidney infection. It's awful. 

Yuck

So I got really sick last night and I still feel terrible.  I checked web md of course because of its reliability as a source (kidding). It says I have swine flu, lupus, cancer, or diabetes as the to four possibilities.  Couldn't suggest the regular flu eh? 

It's inherent. I can't explain it.

Is this feeling ever going to go away? Is it ever going to be easier? Is my heart going to get lighter? Is that feeling in the pit of my stomach going to shrink or disappear? Is my inherent belief ever going to fail to believe? 

It's you. It's always been you.

I hate that every single day I think about how much I love him. And I have these moments where all I can think about is the moment when he comes back to me. The moment when he once again says, "I love you too".