Friday, January 18, 2013
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.
Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes. Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go but moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head.
always love the ones that stole your heart.
If I'm honest, I am somewhat interested in JS. That scares me. The fact that I'm even open to the possibility of a different boy is a HUGE step for me. I have literally had two boys make my heart jump in this lifetime. I have had two boys that I've ever really considered. Well three, but one has a girlfriend.. more about him later.
I think it's weird because JS is completely not my type. He's younger than me which has always been an issue for me. At the same time, he's nice. He asks about my life and my future and my day. It has been so long since I had that. I think it scares me because he is nice. I opened myself up for failure twice, well technically only once. There was sunshine, and number twelve. That's it.
It sounds funny because I am 21 years old and have only ever dated one boy in that entire time. And I'm still convinced he is the love of my life and always will be. I don't honestly believe I will ever love another the way I loved number twelve. But it scares me that I'm considering giving somebody else the opportunity to come into my little world. I spent 5 years with number twelve as my one and only. And before that I was crazy about sunshine.
Sunshine is such an interesting case because he was literally my best friend. I have never spoken to someone the way that we spoke. I have never had someone completely understand me the way that he did and I have never understood anybody the way I understood him. It's pretty rare that you can spend 11 hours straight talking to someone and not get bored or annoyed of them.
Number twelve was different. We didn't talk like sunshine and I did. Number twelve just knew. He always just knew without words. He knew when it was appropriate to hold me so tight in his arms I thought he'd never let go. He knew when I needed an extended hug because my knees were about to give out. He just always knew me.
I think it's hard for me because both of those boys are extremely rare. I think it's rare to have another human being understand you so apologetically. The hardest part is that all I want for both of them in this world is to be happy and live a good, honest life.
I think it's weird because JS is completely not my type. He's younger than me which has always been an issue for me. At the same time, he's nice. He asks about my life and my future and my day. It has been so long since I had that. I think it scares me because he is nice. I opened myself up for failure twice, well technically only once. There was sunshine, and number twelve. That's it.
It sounds funny because I am 21 years old and have only ever dated one boy in that entire time. And I'm still convinced he is the love of my life and always will be. I don't honestly believe I will ever love another the way I loved number twelve. But it scares me that I'm considering giving somebody else the opportunity to come into my little world. I spent 5 years with number twelve as my one and only. And before that I was crazy about sunshine.
Sunshine is such an interesting case because he was literally my best friend. I have never spoken to someone the way that we spoke. I have never had someone completely understand me the way that he did and I have never understood anybody the way I understood him. It's pretty rare that you can spend 11 hours straight talking to someone and not get bored or annoyed of them.
Number twelve was different. We didn't talk like sunshine and I did. Number twelve just knew. He always just knew without words. He knew when it was appropriate to hold me so tight in his arms I thought he'd never let go. He knew when I needed an extended hug because my knees were about to give out. He just always knew me.
I think it's hard for me because both of those boys are extremely rare. I think it's rare to have another human being understand you so apologetically. The hardest part is that all I want for both of them in this world is to be happy and live a good, honest life.
True strength.
"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do... But to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart, that is true strength."
Breathe, let go, live.
I am in such a funny little place right now. But I guess it's good to remember "it's all about funny little magic in unexpected places".
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Silly boys.
So I have been talking to JS a bit lately. I don't really know where we are at or where we are going. I think the hardest part for me is that I don't really know where I want it to go. I don't know what I want from this situation. It's kind of nice to have someone to talk to everyday. At the same time I don't know how much of myself I would be able to give to a boy right now. I am so incredibly busy with school and I don't want to get even remotely seriously involved.
At the same time, I'm scared that I'm just making excuses so I don't get my heart broken again.
At the same time, I'm scared that I'm just making excuses so I don't get my heart broken again.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
He didn't know what he had until it was gone.
You got the wrong song playing on your speakers,
this one's about a liar and a cheater.
this one's about a liar and a cheater.
Monday, January 14, 2013
took a deep breath in the mirror
You throw your head back laughing like a little kid, I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did. And I've been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break, and burn, and end. But on a Wednesday, in a cafe, I watched it begin again.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
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