always love the ones that stole your heart.

If I'm honest, I am somewhat interested in JS. That scares me. The fact that I'm even open to the possibility of a different boy is a HUGE step for me. I have literally had two boys make my heart jump in this lifetime. I have had two boys that I've ever really considered. Well three, but one has a girlfriend.. more about him later.
I think it's weird because JS is completely not my type. He's younger than me which has always been an issue for me. At the same time, he's nice. He asks about my life and my future and my day. It has been so long since I had that. I think it scares me because he is nice. I opened myself up for failure twice, well technically only once. There was sunshine, and number twelve. That's it.
It sounds funny because I am 21 years old and have only ever dated one boy in that entire time. And I'm still convinced he is the love of my life and always will be. I don't honestly believe I will ever love another the way I loved number twelve. But it scares me that I'm considering giving somebody else the opportunity to come into my little world. I spent 5 years with number twelve as my one and only. And before that I was crazy about sunshine.
Sunshine is such an interesting case because he was literally my best friend. I have never spoken to someone the way that we spoke. I have never had someone completely understand me the way that he did and I have never understood anybody the way I understood him. It's pretty rare that you can spend 11 hours straight talking to someone and not get bored or annoyed of them.
Number twelve was different. We didn't talk like sunshine and I did. Number twelve just knew. He always just knew without words. He knew when it was appropriate to hold me so tight in his arms I thought he'd never let go. He knew when I needed an extended hug because my knees were about to give out. He just always knew me.
I think it's hard for me because both of those boys are extremely rare. I think it's rare to have another human being understand you so apologetically.  The hardest part is that all I want for both of them in this world is to be happy and live a good, honest life.