This will forever be one of my favourite photographs.

It's pathetic but I do.

I miss you. 

You do what you've got to do.

Well, I'm working in a bar on Saturday night. I'm beer tubbing. I am sort of nervous because I am not all that self-confident. I am actually really self-conscious. I have a pretty large chest, and I am usually pretty cautious and try to keep it covered up. On Saturday, the goal is basically to have them out. Have them available for men to ogle. That's a big step for me. It's one of the reasons I've always stayed in the dining room at the mox, rather than flaunting my everything in the lounge. I need the money right now and I suppose of not wearing a blazer or a cardigan over my shirt can help me make great money, then it's what I need to do for now.
I'm also going to die on Sunday. I work today, Friday night, Saturday split then beet tubbing, then Sunday at 9am until 4 pm ahhhhh. Oh well life of a student I guess.

Before and after.

Silly people getting married at 21.

Did I mention that I start school tomorrow? It seems so unbelievably crazy. I am unsure of how I feel. This morning it felt so weird to be in Leth. Now I am feeling pretty good since I cleaned. I think it will be really good for me to be here this summer. I think it's important for me to not be in RD. I think living near number twelve is just a recipe for disaster. I mean I was home for like 3 days that he was home and I ended up staying at his house. That's just not good for my heart. It's not good for my sanity in any way. I love him, I always will but it matters to me that he cares too. And unfortunately, that's why I had to let him go. It was hard giving him back his stuff but I think it's the most important thing for us. I think we both need to stop being in this in between phase.
I think it will be good for me to live here. I think it will establish the living alone and growing up thing I've been looking for for so long. This is the first summer I've never gone home. And it's weird because when I got back to leth last night I was like, it feels soo nice to be home. This is my home now. And that's a really important thing to remember. I have built a life here and I will continue to build a life here.
I will have the opportunity to leave all of the people behind that I want to leave behind. I know that sounds mean but I'm looking at days that I will be taking off and like I just can't take off all these weekends. That's when I work. I need to make money. I have to take off enough time for my sanity with school, I don't have much time to be taking off all these other weekends.

Productive.

I was so productive today. This morning I woke up and relaxed a little bit. I was up at about 8:30 but I relaxed in bed for about an hour and a bit. Then I had a shower and DVZ and I went to Cora for breakfast, it was so unbelievably delicious. When I got home I got my things ready and went to the University. I had to pick up my parking pass and my transfer student form and my prerequisite waiver form. I also went to the book store to see what textbooks I'm going to need and how much they will cost me. I found out my gym membership isn't included in this tuition so I have to go pay 86$ for four months which is virtually NOTHING for a gym membership. Especially because the gym was like dead today so that should be nice.
After accomplishing all of my school related errands, I came home and started cleaning. I rearranged my room and I cleaned it up. It feels so nice because I have gotten rid of a lot of stuff and a full bag of clothes. I have done most of my laundry the rest is still being washed but once I'm done my sheets then I think it will feel complete.
Have I mentioned just how much I LOVE fresh, clean sheets? I love them. I am going to have such a good sleep.
It feels kind of weird that I moved my room around because this is the way I had it first year but now my bed is on the floor so it's not like literally on the windowsill and I have my TV stand/shelf on the side instead of up tall. The other difference is that I don't have a desk in here so it is sooo much more spacious. I have my printer and garbage can and gym bag against that wall but it opened up my room so much. Maybe I will post pictures after.
I like it though. I will have such a good sleep in a clean, pretty, rearranged room.

Every time.

I hate that when he texted me tonight my heart skipped a beat.

Greatness is in number twelve's stars

It is Clooney, Freud, T. H. White, Orson Welles, and Valentino's birthday today.

Another year, the same boy.

Tomorrow is his birthday. I have to wish him happy birthday because I would regret forever not. But I'm absolutely terrified to speak to him.
Last year I was away, and I had wifi where we were staying so that even though I sent him a birthday card, I still wished it on the day. I remember walking back to the hotel with P, one of the Irish boys on our tour and he's like what's wrong love, you seem a little down tonight. And I said, it's his twenty-first birthday. He spoke to me about him and told me he believes I'm too good for this boy he's never met. He thought I was brilliant and it was kind of nice to see, you know?