Big Bang Theory.

Penny: Sheldon that pocket watch is ridiculous.
Sheldon: Nonsense, I look like a train conductor.

Song as old as rhyme.

Tale as old as time, true as it can be
Barely even friends, then somebody bends
Unexpectedly
Just a little change; small, to say the least
Both a little scared, neither one prepared

Tale as old as time.

I went to Beauty and the Beast 3D tonight. It was fantastic. I honestly love that movie. It is great. I needed that. You know? The days when you just need to be reminded of your childhood. That's what it was for me. It was just the reminder of my roots and I need that.
I think that's why I love my mouse so much. She reminds me of all the reasons I love life. She reminds me to take pleasure in the little things, like hearing her laugh. She is so happy just to see me. She called and left me a message yesterday telling me she loved me and I was just like dying. It was so adorable.

I'd lie.

Before you came into my life I missed you so bad,
I missed you so bad and you should know that.

12.

Oh I originally wanted to write because I saw so many couples out tonight and like virtually all of my friends here are in relationships. And I remember the first time I went to studio, I was with number twelve. I don't know I guess I just miss having someone some days if that makes sense. JV was asking about him tonight and  was basically like I just want to tell him to delete your number and leave you alone. You've deleted his, why can't he leave you to move on.
And I know exactly what it is, he wants to know I'm still here. I promised him I always would be. And I don't know I don't want to be a naive girl so I never talk about how I feel about number twelve or the dreams I have about him etc. I'd just rather pretend they don't exist. I guess at the end of the day I just want to believe it was all worth something. I want to believe that the way I feel means something, that this doesn't happen to everyone. I mean we broke up a year and a half ago and we can still barely talk because it's just too hard and we both know it. He wants to be sure he can still invoke a reaction from me, he wants to know I still love him the way I promised I always would. To me, love is unconditional. True love that is. But I think that's rare. I think many marriages are lies.
But I still just think what if I'm just being ridiculous? What if it didn't mean anything? What if it doesn't mean anything? Does everybody feel like this? Is this just the way life is? I don't have the answers. In fact, I'm not really all that sure I believe in love.

studio thursday.

Seriously, I forgot how much of a workout dancing is.... especially in high heels. I went out tonight. I stayed sober but I had soooooo much fun. Studio54 is the most disgusting bar ever though. Like I actually think it's grosser than Lotus. hahahahahahaa. I had a good time though. I need to spend more time out doing fun stuff like that instead of always being at home.
Don't get me wrong, I really like my time alone but sometimes I spend too much time alone and I don't go out and socialize and have real interactions with everyday people. Often it's because I feel like they are immature and only want to talk about trivial things. And as much as I crave deeper meaning and deeper connections, sometimes there is a need for meaningless and harmless fun gossip. I don't mean like starting a mean false rumor about someone, I mean hearing about the ridiculous things someone did when they're drunk.
This is rude, but this place has lots of larger girls. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not tiny but I never ever dress the way some of these girls dress and it disgusts me. I could never reveal half of what they do and in all honesty, I think they think they look good. And I mean, good for them for having self confidence, and a positive self image but please be reasonable. I think that some of the biggest girls are the prettiest girls, but dress for your body type. It's the same thing if you're a double zero; dress to accentuate your features, add curves, etc.
Anyways, I have class at 9am so I should really go to bed. My poor feet hurt lots. I also went to the gym today and I did this crazy machine I've never tried. I believe it's called the rowing machine. I don't know I played the fish game hahahahaa. I'm beat though. I missed two-stepping with the boys tonight too.

bed time.

I got my hair cut today. It actually looks really good and I love my gay hairdresser more than anything. Most people will probably go, "wtf you paid for that" because my hair looks extremely natural. And I could probably stop dying my hair and be perfectly satisfied with a cut but I don't know I feel like new year, new me? Just kidding that's really lame and cliche. And I'm pretty happy, I don't need the new me. I just am happy that it looks good and feels healthier. It starts really dark and gets gradually lighter as it goes towards the tips. It looks nice, I think but you should have seen it while he did it. It was sooo funny. He died the roots and then he gave me a mega-afro (and if you have any small idea what my hair is like, it's extremely thick and there is soooo much). Then he lightly coloured the ends of my back-combed rats nest.
I also looked for jobs today. I thought new hair do, may as well take advantage of how good it looked. I have an interview Monday and a few places told me to call in a week or two and others just had to look at the new availabilities and then would get back to me. I really want to serve like so bad so I really hope this interview goes well. I hate not working, I feel so useless. And there's some things I'd really like to do but I need a good job if that's going to happen.
Sidenote: I'm watching Sex and the City and Jon Bon Jovi is a psychiatric patient Carrie dates fyi.

it's always about love.

"Maybe part of loving is learning to let go".
-The Wonder Years

ideology.

"As soon as you look at the world through an ideology you are finished. No reality fits an ideology. Life is beyond that. That is why people are always searching for a meaning to life. Meaning is only found when you go beyond meaning. Life only makes sense when you perceive it as mystery and it makes no sense to the conceptualizing mind".
-Anthony DeMello.

I love smarties.

If they wouldn't sit right on my ass, I would eat a box of smarties every day. I effing love them so much.

dumb registrar.

I am so fucking cold and hungry and whomever decided that having a class on a tuesday from 4:30 to 7:30 pm is retarded. I was so far away because my other class was in peak time and I'm now freezing cold and I have to venture back out into this awful weather because it is TK's birthday and I will be the biggest dick ever if I don't go. HOWEVER I am going to cheat and have chicken fingers when I get there bahahahaha. I love chicken fingers and I'm just pissed off enough that they sound perfect. Anyways I'm late I was supposed to already be there.

I want to be your Friday night.

I wanna be your lemonade in the shade,
money in your pocket 'cause you just got paid, babe.

only from the best.

"I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realizes an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past".

-Virginia Woolf

day one.

I started school today and I am absolutely exhausted. I can't even believe people are going out tonight. Everyone is like Essies' it's Monday and I'm like bed it's Monday. hahahaha well kind of. I'm going to go dye TK's hair for her in like a half hour and I hope her hot roommate is their so I can stare at him. But I'm actually not kidding.
Good news, I got into the class I wanted. Bad news, that's six classes... er five and a half. I am not sure a physical activity course counts as a real class haha I always chirp kines students that are like, "I AM IN SEVEN CLASSES". And I am like yes and 4 of them are participation only so it doesn't count. I have been to two classes and one of them has a 25 page paper. Since when the fuck did I sign up to take my masters bro. It's not even a fourth year class, it's only a third year like chill out.
Anyways I only slept like 3 hours last night so I'm absolutely DEAD right now. Tomorrow is going to suck. Tuesdays will without a doubt be my worst days. I have class from 9:25-10:40 and then 1:40- 2:55 and then 4:30-7:20. Like how brutal is that. I dont even know when to go to the gym with that schedule. Like I can maybe go at like 10:40 so I'm out of there by 12 or 12:30 but then I'll eat at like 1 and then not until 8 again? This is not good breaks at all. Or I could eat at like 12 and study from 11-2 and go to the gym at like 3?

two and a half years... at least.

Soooooo I start school tomorrow and it feels weird. I am supposed to start at 10am but I am trying to get into a class that starts at 9am so I should get up extra early because it's currently open and I want to get in. It's my sixth class thus I cannot add it until add/drop week which begins tomorrow. If I'm awake at midnight I will try to add it and then I will get up early and attend the class. I'm hoping I get in because I mean who wouldn't want to get credit for going to the gym and learning more about how to work out better. Yeah, I'm pretty awesome I know. Anyways I think I'm going to go watch pan-am and try to go to bed early. Gooodnight.