precisely; like before is gone.

"can we be friends again?"
"sure."
"like before?"
"i dont think so, like before is gone."

i miss mayberry.

i miss when the world was genuine. and everyone wasn't trying to be someone they're not.

hjr

hjr is a reallly sweet girl. i feel a little bad because today i kind of lashed out on her about the previous blog and it wasn't directed at her she was just kind of in the line of fire. i mean seriously hearing that hp doesn't like me really doesn't shock me. i called her out, why would she. that's the high school bullshit i'm talking about. holding a grudge when someone shows you how your acting and honestly tells you how everyone is feeling. like i wanted to go out tonight because it's s' birthday party and l squared's birthday and another old friend's birthday. and when someone is seriously that ignorant that they smile and pretend everything is great everytime they see you nd then basically have talked about you enough that someone is afraid to have you in the same room as them like grow up. i am so tired of people being fake and pretending to be my friend when it's convenient for them. now i don't even want to leave my house because i just know that the bar will be like every other time when i see people i used to know and people that would like to smile at me so they can use me and my softness for helping others.

only 2 more days.

i hate this place. at the same time i love this place. i love a select few people and i love that this is home. but i hate this place and most of the people here. they are so immature and catty and just so unbelievably high school. i can't explain it any other way. i just can't comprehend the way that people treat other people, the way they treat their so-called "friends". come on. let's face it, most of us are not going to be friends forever, we didn't have anything in common in high school other than a friend or two and a class together. we weren't best friends with each other and we never will be. some we were best friends with but we aren't anymore. that's called life, people grow apart. i hate this town because i feel like everybody here, everybody that goes to rdc is just living in highschool, only all 3 combined. i don't understand why people are trying so hard to impress others. i'm so frusterated because in high school i was friends with most people. i got along with everybody and i pleased everyone to the best of my ability. i can't do it anymore. i like who i am. and if you don't well it's just too bad that you're so arrogant that you can't even be respectful of someone who is different than you. i can't even imagine being someone like that, someone that can't appreciate someone different than them. we've all been through different things, some of us more than others but we don't know what's happened to somebody to make them the way they are or how hard or easy their life has been. i just don't ever want to be one of those people. and i'm sorry that most of the people in this town will stay exactly the way they are forever. they won't ever grow or improve or get over themselves. it's sad really that they will live in this little bubble for their entire lives and never be anything.

you are the best thing that's ever been mine.

integrity.

she finally started to believe.

it just kinda hit me.

late.

that's weird for me, normally i know everything about tswift before it happens. i usually know when her songs and new videos are coming out and i listen to them before they're out. i don't feel bad about downloading her songs because i have every cd she's ever made. two copies of fearless.

tears.

i just saw tswift's video mine for the first time and i burst into tears.

quoted.

"I want to remain inside my little world, always. I never want to wake up, I never want to come out. I'm content in breathing, in simply living and being."

you make me feel like i'm living a teenage dream.

i love love love katy perry. and her "i don't give a flying f what you think of me" attitude.

what would you do?

so kg is pregnant. yep shocking. the other day i asked what's wrong and she said "i'm pregnant". straight up. i was absolutely speechless. now she's asking me what to do. i mean i told her it's entirely a personal decision. that's her body and i truly believe that up to a certain point a woman should have the right to do whatever she'd like with her body. but then she said, what would you do.
i honestly can't answer that question. i'd love to be noble and say i'd have the baby and work my ass off and love it like crazy. i'd love to be noble and give it up for adoption so that it could have a better life. but after something lived inside me for 10 months i'm not sure i'd be able to give it up. perhaps the most controversial option is abortion. i don't know if i could abort a baby. but at the same time what if i was really selfish. i mean something like that would go against my plan. it would ruin all my plans. i don't know if i'd be okay with that. so no, until i am in that situation(hopefully never) i couldn't honestly tell you what i'd do if i were knocked up out of wedlock.

breathe.

everything's going to be okay. i can feel it.
just breathe.

you are the best thing that's ever been mine.

wondering why we even bother with love if it never lasts.

on a side note.

who cyber bullies. come on.
s' blog is like my favorite and now she's gonna stop writing because some immature ass won't stop saying mean things to her. like why would you do that to someone. if you don't like her blog, don't read it. don't be stupid and make her feel bad about it. her honesty is something i envy. i think she should be proud of her writing. it's beautiful.
s, i love your writing. it's amazing.
don't ever stop. and even if you have to take a break from the world for awhile, don't hide it forever. it's too beautiful not to share.

it only takes a moment.

i just realized that in 3 days i will no longer reside at home. i lived away all last year but this is different. i can't come home every weekend. this is real life. i'm moving tomorrow. tomorrow. like in 15 hours. i'm not even packed. i don't even know how to start packing. i just realized it's all real. it's here.
this is life.

tick tock tick tock.

time takes it all, whether we want it to or not.