Our dreams, they are made out of real things.

There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a post card, no song that I could sing but I could try for your heart.

Even on my weakest day, I get a little bit stronger

Turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you. I listened to it for a minute, then I changed it.

Leaving.

Honesty breaks hearts.

Pour me something stronger than me.

I can barely stand up, I can hardly breathe, pour me something stronger than me.

Little laughing, little loving, never calling again.

If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak, be mine.

believe.

Tonight I told DVZ a huge part of the number twelve story. I kind of gave her a Sparks Notes version. It was weird though. Going over it in my head start to finish just sounds so unbelievably ridiculous. And it was so funny because she asked if I've spoken to him since the other night I said no because I was afraid. And she's like you're over-thinking it. You love him. If you want to talk to him, just talk to him. There's history and I get why you're scared, it's understandable. 

It was interesting because she wasn't judgy about it. And I am always a little bit uneasy telling people about it because they are extremely judgemental about the sofaking part of the situation. And I'm not denying it was wrong and that I made a terrible mistake but I firmly believe that there were other things in our relationship that led to that bad decision. That doesn't make it okay, but it means there's a bigger picture to be observed. 

I just laugh a little bit to myself because at this point, so much has happened that I don't even know what to say. I just know I still love him. I know that I still get butterflies and weak knees. And when I decide to settle down, I want to be with someone that can turn my entire stomach upside down. I want to be with someone who can make my heart skip a beat. I want to be with someone who can say absolutely nothing, but the sight of him makes me believe everything will be okay. I believe in that kind of love because I've been there. And I can't imagine settling for anything less than that in my life.

Something's missing.

Is it all that you want it to be? Does it hurt when you think about me and how broken my heart is?

Dare to dream.

No words.

It's funny you know. Love.

Interesting thoughts.

That picture that kind of looks like a giant post-it was this activity we did in my exceptional learners class. I wish that class was more interesting but our prof is not bright so it's kind of a joke. I did like half of our final assignment during like an hour of that class on Monday.
Anyways the point of this activity is to promote like positive social interaction. Essentially, I write B is... at the top of my page then tape it to my back and the rest of my class writes something. It's supposed to be something genuine and not superficial.. like I like your shoes. Hahaha someone actually wrote that on mine because we thought it was funny. It was interesting though because you could see that some people literally don't know me at all... and the ones who know me all too well.
BR wrote that I'm a beauty. DVZ wrote that I'm a great bitch hahaha. One person wrote that I'm as judgemental as they are and it's hilarious. Another that I'm a cougar.
The more random one was that I'm empathetic. I don't want to say I'm not empathetic but I'm not the type of person that you'd see and be like, "she is such a nice girl, so caring and empathetic". I am the kind of girl that people are like, "woowww that girl is a bitch". Which I'm okay with because I don't feel the need to act fake, so you pretty much know where you stand with me.
I am sometimes fake, in terms of politeness but not in terms of that over-fake, inside I-can't-stand-you-but-I'll-smile-anyways kind. I am usually just honest. Or I'm completely not myself because I don't need you to know me.
I also got told I am hilarious quite a few times... which is great because I honestly find myself hilarious but in the I'm-so-incredibly-funny-even-if-no-one-else-thinks-so-I-do kind of way.

Sleep right, don't let the bed bugs bite. Sweet dreams.

It's funny, years later we say goodnight the exact same way.

90210

"Sometimes it felt like we tried 100 times. And sometimes it just takes 101."

What a weird assignment.

I'm pretty much crazy.

The truest, most difficult, honest love.

I just cannot explain why or how I feel this way after so long.

Since when do you call me by my first name?

"Hey B, just wanted to say sorry it took me so long, i went away to work and then had to get caught up studying, but if you ever have time to get a coffee talk n catch up just let me know. You've always been a good friend and it would be nice to see you, good luck on your midterms, i know you'll do great and hope you are doing well"

Must be some kind of love hahaha

"You must have gone to the beach lately"
Uh what no, why?
"Seems to be a whole lot of sand in your vagina"
- shit my roommate says to me in life.

When she's gone the world goes dark.

Yeah, it looks easy to love her but believe me brother, it's harder than it looks.

You would have been really proud of me.

You were my best friend, my best friend who I could tell everything to and now you won't even look at me.
You said you loved me.
You said you loved me too.
-grey's anatomy

What happened to me?

Another night, wide awake.

Like clockwork, every single time.

"Never stop thinking about him, even for a moment, because that's the moment he'll appear."
-Carrie Bradshaw

time is taking it's sweet time erasing you.

You know, it's funny. Every time I am really missing number twelve, I do something stupid like I did on Friday night. I find a boy to make me forget about him for awhile, at least, a boy I think will make me forget about him. It backfires, pretty much every single time because I wish this new boy was number twelve. And then I regret my decisions because I know how disappointed number twelve would be in me. How pathetic is that. We have been broken up for almost 3 years and I still feel guilty, like I cheated on him. We have these moments of absolute perfection. These times when we almost fall back into the way that we used to be. And afterwards, it's devastating. The selfish part of me says it's only difficult for me, but if I'm honest, I know it's not easy for him either. It's hard, a love like this. A love that despite the worst of circumstances, remains. A love that despite months without speaking, remains. A love that somehow strengthens, forgives, remembers, continues to grow.
I would be lying if I didn't say that I love him more now than I ever have. The cliche says, "if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."
It's funny though, I think each time I see him, or speak to him, I realize our love is stronger than ever. It's strong because it has to be. It's strong because I have to believe that in loving him as much as I do, I have to let him live his life without me. And I think he knows he has to do the same. We are both guilty of falling back into it and realizing how terribly perfect and incredibly horrible we are for each other. I think that's the hardest part, trying to accept that. So many people desire an explanation from us, I often desire an explanation from myself, or from him. The truth is that there is no explanation. It simply is. It complicatedly is. It is love. That's all. Love. Beautiful, tragic, love.

Beautiful talent.

She is absolutely perfect and so deserving of an Oscar. And the fact that she fell on her face while walking up the stairs to accept her award was perfect. She's so down to earth and I love her.

Silence.

"Silence speaks when words can't."

Love it.

Sad beautiful tragic love affair

Time is taking its sweet time erasing you. And you've got your demons and darling they all look like me.