too big.

Also my boobs are growing and becoming gigantic.

back to work.

I started back at Mox today. I forgot how much my feet hate it there and how much my bank account loves it there.

I'd settle for a slowdown.

I keep looking for the slightest sign that you might miss what you left behind.

Snow

I don't even really like snow. I hate it. And winter too. But right now I really want snow. I love fall and September and the leaves but all I want is some pretty snow to make a snow angel in.

Food for thought

It's funny you know, how much things change. I just saw a picture of a girl I went to middle school with. It seems crazy to me how much my life has changed. Every day it doesn't seem like much is different. Yet every day everything is different. It just seems funny, you know.
All the things you thought you were going to do and the people you thought were still going to be there and the person you thought you were going to be.

I wasn't always this way.

Owie.

Fuck I hate being a girl. This is such bullshit. I feel like someone is stabbing me! It hurts so much it's not even funny.

You blew it, you put me through it. I wanna undo it.

You stole my happy, you made me cry.
Took the lonely and took me for a ride.
I wanna undo it.
You had my heart now I want it back;
I'm starting to see everything you lack.

A true best friend.

I honestly love AM. I wish I was attracted to him because if I was, I would definitely marry him. Such a sweetheart. Probably the best most reliable guy friend I have ever had. Always supportive but still tells me when I need to figure my shit out. Keeps to himself when he doesn't know the full situation but always willing to give a big hug on a bad day.

Live strong.

Jada Pinkett Smith and Lance Armstrong share my birthday. #livestrong #findjoyinsimplicity

I'm gone.

I'm not going to stand here and beg you to fall. One day you'll see I was worth it all.

Heart in chains.

As always, tears stream down my face.

Fearless.

Game over.

Is it selfish to be upset that the person who's supposed to be my best friend didn't say happy birthday. I mean I get she's had a rough day and the thing she's loved most for the majority of her life is over but I'm still a little hurt. A simple happy birthday would have sufficed. I know it's because she's out of it and not thinking straight and overwhelmed but it's still hard for me because I always think of everyone else first. Almost to a fault but I can't comprehend this.

Old as dirt.

It's official, I am old.

Straight from S.

“You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.”
 ― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper 

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”
 ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist 

“I heard what you said. I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.”
 ― Shana Abé 

“I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist 

“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”
 ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
 ― Emily Brontë

“The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time. And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was. As I would always belong to him, so would he always be mine.”
 ― Stephenie Meyer, New Moon

“The heart has its reasons which reason knows not.”
 ― Blaise Pascal

there'll never ever be another me.

It's funny. The first song that played on my iTunes shuffle was Never Be Another by Adam Gregory.

You deserve this.

You do love me, or at least you could. You're just too stubborn and scared to admit it because the last time you really gave your heart to someone, it got broken. And I get that, I've been there. But somewhere along the line you gave up on the idea that you deserve to feel this way again.

One day you do though.

Sometimes it's hard and takes a little longer than we want it to to realize what's best for us.

step one.

A new day.

"A major life event marks the end of a formative period and the beginning of more independence. In many ways, you are now on your own, and this indicates the start of increased responsibility and accountability. This is a time for deep thought, review of yourself and a new chance."

I want a love like that.

They don't make love like that anymore, is that too much to be asking for.

Unconditional.

I want a boy to love me the way that I love him.

I don't miss you.

Have you ever heard the song "I Still Miss You" by Keith Anderson? I really love that song and it used to evoke so much emotion in me that I was damn near tears. Today I heard it and for the first time, I felt nothing. It didn't hurt, it wasn't sad, it wasn't painful or heartbreaking or reminiscent. I was cold. I felt nothing, except exhausted. I am more exhausted than I have ever felt. I am so emotionally exhausted. For more than two years I have spent ever hour of every day worrying about someone else, putting someone else before me. And I just don't have anything left to give. I'm cold. I don't feel anything.
And I have to stop being this person before I become bitter. Before I stop believing in true love.
So for the first time in my life, I don't miss you.