a million little pieces.

i have so much to say but it really might just be a better idea to try and sleep.

i'm all out of reasons.

if you're always looking for reasons not to be with somebody, you'll always find them. but maybe at some point you should just let go and give your heart what it deserves.

bob marley.

truth is, everybody is going to hurt you.
you've just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

that's what you get for falling again.

she's beautiful as usual,
 with bruises on her ego.

make awkward with me.

"awkward is beautiful/ sublime self-depricaton/ moments of complete truth/ subconscious bravery/ where falsities fall away/ fun wrapped in situ/ awkward is: human."

jana kramer.

and i won't give up, no i won't give up;
i won't give up on you.

i'm still fighting.

if you believe in fate, fight for it.

fate.

rc has a tattoo i absolutely love. i am such a fan of the words. he got fate loves the fearless across his chest. and i just love that expression. i think it is such an incredible way to live your life.

inked.

tattoos. so i'm torn. i want a rib cage tattoo. mostly i need to have a tattoo that is covered up so that seems like an appropriate place. i want to get the serenity prayer (God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference) on my left ribcage (opposite side of my hip tattoo). i've always kind of wanted a tattoo that says believe but i have absolutely no idea where i'd put it. lately i've been really thinking i want to get fortitude tattooed on me somewhere. i just really like the concept of fortitude. you know, fighting against all odds; facing adversity with courage; resolute endurance. i just really like that concept.

consider yourself forewarned.

i'm an absolute basketcase today.

trust. just trust.

when it comes down to love, i mean true love. the kind that can last a lifetime and feel as amazing as the first time everytime; when it comes down to giving someone the power to break you, i mean completely shatter you, do you follow your head or your heart?

stfu.

dear people in the library,
i realize that you had an awesome reading week and i'm sure the hutterite vans were truly incredible. i'm very happy you had a night trip but i do not care. please tone down your voice to an appropriate library level so that people who are actually working on things can concentrate. in other words STFU.
sincerely,
b.

reminding myself.

also i have a few ideas for my tattoo. remind me to discuss later.

things i'm thankful for.

also, happy last day of february. it's been a long hard month. and it's almost over. may as well enjoy the day. i need to be more thankful for what i have in my life. be more positive and think about the good things. think about what i want instead of what i don't have. and remind myself of the things i appreciate. every single day.

april 30 please come faster.

i don't have much time but i just needed to get that and a few other  things out. i got an a- on the paper i thought i was going to get a c on. yaaaaay. that is so exciting. it just took off about 50 percent of my stress for that class. also, i have a midterm tomorrow and as i read over these notes, i am feeling pretty good about it. i have to go work on this essay though before bd gets here to study for tomorrow morning. wish me luck to actually focus.

so how come i trust him so much.

i'm nervous. and anxious. and worried. and so incredibly excited all at the same time. i'm happy that number twelve and i are talking and he wants me to visit. but at the same time i'm wondering how you go from not speaking for a month to pretending like nothing happened at all. the biggest issue for me is that i don't want to fight about it via bbm. i mean i want to have a real conversation and find out what the heck is giong on. what am i supposed to do if he changes his mind again? i mean sex is great yes but i'm in love with him. that's not just gonna go away. you can't have meaningless sex with the boy you love, you just can't. and maybe i just need to trust that whatever is supposed to happen will and just believe in the power of our love. but at the same time, this is a scary place to be.

i'm just consistently inconsistent.

did you ever notice that love is completely contradictory? i mean think about it. one person can make your life complete. they can make everything better, easier because you have them to go through it with. and yet the exact same person can create the biggest void in your heart. make you completely broken. this one person can take you both positively and negatively past your own personal points of happiness.

fml.

i got a ticket last night and i am really pissed off about it. i know i am a better driver than most people, especially girls because i love driving and i'm not afraid to drive. but seriously it was 10:30 on a saturday, i was sober and exhausted and i didn't come to a complete stop at an intersection with no cars around. give me a freaking break bud, i wanted to go home to bed. i always stop at that intersection and there's never anyone around and i came to a rolling stop because i was that freaking tired. how come i can never catch a break?