How many days in a year, she woke up with hope but she only found tears.

This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. And while she looked so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her when she smiles. 

Absolutely.

My sister has been telling me for years the song "absolutely" by nine days reminds her of me. 

Holy shit.

http://www.puckermob.com/relationships/ive-tried-now-im-done

Maybe that's it, maybe I'm free.

"And there it was. I had it all-- all the truth and detail that I'd needed to know since that day on the mountain, in the withering snow, when Khader had told me about her. I think I'd expected to feel... nourished, perhaps and vindicated, by forcing her to tell me what she'd done and why she'd done it. I think I'd hope to be released by it, and solaced, just by hearing her tell me. But it wasn't like that. I felt empty: the kind of emptiness that's sad but not distressed, pitying but not broken-hearted, and damaged, somehow, but clearer and cleaner for it. And then I knew what it was, that emptiness: there's a name for it, a word we use often, without realizing the universe of peace that's enfolded in it. The word is free."

The passionate search for a truth other than our own.

"For this is what we do. Put one foot forward and the the other. Life our eyes to the snarl and smile of the world once more. Think. Act. Feel. Add our little consequence to the tides of good and evil that flood and drain the world. Drag our shadowed crosses into the hope of another night. Push our brave hearts into the promise of a new day. With love: the passionate search for a truth other than our own. With longing: the pure, ineffable yearning to be saved. For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on. God help us. God forgive us. We live on."

Every heartbeat.

"Every human heartbeat, he'd said many times,  is a university of possibilities. And it seemed to me that I finally understood exactly what he'd meant. He'd been trying to tell me that every human will has the power to transform its fate. I'd always thought that fate was something unchangeable: fixed for every one of us at birth, and as constant as the circuit of the stars. But I suddenly realized that life is stranger and more beautiful than that. The truth is that, no matter what kind of game you find yourself in, no matter how good or bad the luck, you can change your life completely with a single thought or a single act of love. "

Let it ruminate a little.

I finally told him I was hurt. I am terrible for that, voicing my feelings. I know it's something I have to work on and I'm trying to. I'm making progress. I told him that I was hurt that he knew I was going through all of this and he never asked how I was or if I was okay, not even once in the last 6 months. It's been my version of hell and he's made no effort to see how I'm doing. He made a comment about him being a bad friend awhile back and I told him, I don't think that he's a bad friend because anytime I've ever asked for something, he's been there. But I was absolutely hurt by the fact that he knew I was going through something so heavy and he never asked if I was ok. Not even once. He hasn't asked about it until last night and I told him in March. It hurt because it felt like he didn't care. I said that may not be the case, but that's the way I felt. I was very cognizant of the words I chose and to make it not be an attack but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt.
He said he didn't really have much to reply with. So, I left it alone for him to think about. My feelings are not invalid and I'm not being dramatic or ridiculous and he is entitled to feel that way if he thinks that and have his own perception, but it's not okay for him to disregard how I feel.

Evolve.

Love yourself.

Eggshells.

I've never come across anything more true.

Delusional.

Today a girl made a comment about J and girlfriends and then she said unless you were his girlfriend and you guys broke up. I was quite stunned to be honest. No one has really made any comments about us in awhile... Probably largely due to the fact we really haven't been ourselves lately and we've been fighting so much. But I think that her comment is the type of thing that makes it so difficult... If other people see it too, it can't just be me. I can't be completely delusional. Certainly, I let him get away with way too much bullshit. But there's gotta be something there on his part too, it's not just me.

Balance.

Luck or fate.

"Luck is what happens to you when fate gets tired of waiting."

Choose a side.

"'There is no man, and no place, without war,' he replied, and it struck me that it was the most profound thing he'd ever said to me. 'The only thing we can do is choose a side, and fight. That is the only choice we get--who we fight for, who we fight against. That is life.'" 

Love this article.

http://www.thebolde.com/brutally-honest-confessions-damaged-single-girl/