This is my new favourite insta account.

It's this.

Hey universe, this is what I want.

I just keep playing it in my head. Over and over and over.

Silly.

Okay, I know I still wouldn't see you until Monday but you can come home now so I can speak to you.

All about principle today.

The other day was really an endearing moment for me. My sister said something about her kids wanting Ipads for Christmas when I asked what was on their lists. I was standing beside J when I got the message and I said out loud, "I don't even like you... why would I buy your child an Ipad?" He thought it was hilarious and thought I should say that to her...brat. But he said, "don't you get frustrated with that kind of stuff... Just because I'm single doesn't mean I should have to spend 4 times as much on you because there's 4 of you and 1 of me. Like Duke's birthday is coming and he'd fancy a brand new gold watch." I nearly died because that is EXACTLY how I feel in my family. Like if the four of you spend 100$ on me as a family, great. But you expect me to spend 100$ on each of you. That's a 300$ difference and I have ONE income. It's not even the money, it's the principle.

So much similar.

It's difficult because I consciously know J is in my life for a reason. And I genuinely believe that things happen for a reason when they're supposed to happen. So I know J is here for a reason and things will happen if they're meant too but it doesn't make it any easier to not want him around because I do. I wholeheartedly adore spending time with him. He makes me laugh and he gets a side of me that no one else does.

Just because I can.

I'm thinking maybe I'll go to Greece this summer.

Bitch please, I am hilarious.

5 hours since we spoke.

He's gone and I already miss his stupid witty grin.

How pathetic.

You know you're really fucking lame when you cuddle with your brother for Christmas. hahaha I'm laying on the couch with my feet behind him and he's resting his elbow on my knee while my nephew  jumps on us.

Pretty please.

I'm getting to the point in my life where I want a significant other in my life. I'll be honest, I'm grateful for Christmas with mom this year but I am also a little bit sad. B is with T's family and B and C are with my extended family. But I want that. I want to have my own someone to spend Christmas with. I want to argue with someone about who we're spending Christmas Eve with and who we're spending Christmas Day with. I am just really ready to settle down and spend my life with someone.

Heartbreak is the national anthem.

It didn't come true.

Christmas Wishes.

I cried basically the entire way from Calg to RD today. I can't even really explain why. I wasn't sad. I think the reality of everything that I've gone through just hit me like a brick wall. I didn't honestly think mom would be here for Christmas and here she is hosting her favourite party.
It is mind blowing really and I am just so grateful. I feel so blessed and I have such a different appreciation for Christmas this year.
I thanked J this morning too for all his optimism and encouragement and support. And for putting up with me on my worst days because he really did bare the brunt of a lot of it.
I am so happy mom is doing better. And if I could have one Christmas wish it woild be that my sister said something to J and he just showed up and surprised me. I know it's farfetched but I mean miracles really can happen and that would be a wish come true.

Mindless dreaming.

All I want for Christmas is for J to call me this afternoon and say, I'm on my way. Where do I go when I get there?

All you had to do was stay.

Why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in?