Saturday, May 30, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Silly emotions.
ALSO what the fuck is wrong with me???!!
I'm looking at year end gift ideas for my kids and I'm almost in tears. I don't even really like children.
I'm looking at year end gift ideas for my kids and I'm almost in tears. I don't even really like children.
Overwhelmed.
So I got day drunk Sunday and by day drunk I mean BLACKOUT. Fuck I haven't done that in so long. I am so disappointed in myself. I just don't want to be that person anymore. I don't like that girl. I don't like being that irresponsible and I know I need to not act like that. I had a blast, at least what I remember but Monday was ROUGH.
I drunk texted J and haven't even read through the conversation because I just don't care to. It might not even exist anymore but I don't know at this point. He is so understanding and literally just pokes fun at me when I do stupid stuff like that. I appreciate that so much. He doesn't make me feel shitty. He was like, I'm going to just not reply to your text messages when you make no sense and assume you're having too much fun because I get so confused! He wasn't like grow up, B. Don't be dumb, etc. All the things I said to myself, he didn't rub in my face. I mean, I apologized but he just laughed.
Then tonight when I texted him, he was so good. He made a conscious effort to cheer me up and I appreciate that so much.
I still find the hardest part of him to be his mood swings. He is seriously all over the map all the time. I never know what to expect. It's literally like a line from a Taylor Swift song, "I lived in your chess game but you changed the rules every day. Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight...".
And I think that's the most frustrating part because tonight I was so hesitant to even call him. Then I did and he texted me apologizing and helped me with the silly ganache. Then he just let me rant and made jokes about all of the things that I was frustrated about so that I would laugh instead of stress.
I am so overwhelmed right now. Honestly. I am dealing with so much I can barely function. If I survive until June 15 without a mental breakdown I'll be so proud of myself.
So I had to make a ganache for a birthday tomorrow, I'm trying to sort out all of this trip winning/prize collection stuff while simultaneously trying to get all of my benchmark and assessment testing done.
My mom had a treatment yesterday. We still don't know what is really happening with my grandma.
On Sunday J leaves so I have Duke for 10 days and have to pack and get all of my shit sorted out to take there. On Monday, the restaurant reopens so I will be working like 5 or 6 days a week at both jobs. Next Friday I can start applying for jobs so I'm trying to organize my resume and profile. The following Monday I will likely/hopefully have interviews. My sister is also having surgery next Friday so I somehow would like to make it home for that.
My ELL stuff was supposed to be due Friday is now due tomorrow afternoon. I have to finish all my LSPs and have them signed by parents.
There is just SO MUCH TO DO.
I drunk texted J and haven't even read through the conversation because I just don't care to. It might not even exist anymore but I don't know at this point. He is so understanding and literally just pokes fun at me when I do stupid stuff like that. I appreciate that so much. He doesn't make me feel shitty. He was like, I'm going to just not reply to your text messages when you make no sense and assume you're having too much fun because I get so confused! He wasn't like grow up, B. Don't be dumb, etc. All the things I said to myself, he didn't rub in my face. I mean, I apologized but he just laughed.
Then tonight when I texted him, he was so good. He made a conscious effort to cheer me up and I appreciate that so much.
I still find the hardest part of him to be his mood swings. He is seriously all over the map all the time. I never know what to expect. It's literally like a line from a Taylor Swift song, "I lived in your chess game but you changed the rules every day. Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight...".
And I think that's the most frustrating part because tonight I was so hesitant to even call him. Then I did and he texted me apologizing and helped me with the silly ganache. Then he just let me rant and made jokes about all of the things that I was frustrated about so that I would laugh instead of stress.
I am so overwhelmed right now. Honestly. I am dealing with so much I can barely function. If I survive until June 15 without a mental breakdown I'll be so proud of myself.
So I had to make a ganache for a birthday tomorrow, I'm trying to sort out all of this trip winning/prize collection stuff while simultaneously trying to get all of my benchmark and assessment testing done.
My mom had a treatment yesterday. We still don't know what is really happening with my grandma.
On Sunday J leaves so I have Duke for 10 days and have to pack and get all of my shit sorted out to take there. On Monday, the restaurant reopens so I will be working like 5 or 6 days a week at both jobs. Next Friday I can start applying for jobs so I'm trying to organize my resume and profile. The following Monday I will likely/hopefully have interviews. My sister is also having surgery next Friday so I somehow would like to make it home for that.
My ELL stuff was supposed to be due Friday is now due tomorrow afternoon. I have to finish all my LSPs and have them signed by parents.
There is just SO MUCH TO DO.
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