I need an explanation.

I'm still pretty upset about last night. I am contemplating saying something today but I don't know if it's worth it. Right now I just don't know if I should say something from a calm mindset or just leave it alone. I am mostly frustrated because I used to feel incredibly appreciated by the boys but lately I just feel used. I don't understand why I'm working so hard. What do I get out of it? Why should I work so hard when I am getting paid the exact same as girls who are useless? Why should I sacrifice time with my mom, or building my career, or time for myself?

So this happened.

Life is unfair.

The other day HJR said to me B, I just feel like you've been through so much and I just want things to get easier. I want you to catch a break.
And that's exactly how I feel right now. I know that it will get me nowhere but I just want to have a pity party. I'm so tired of always being strong and always fighting through things. It's just bullshit. I just want things to go my way for once and not be hard all the fucking time.

Not long enough!

Tonight a girl said to me, "how long have you been here today?" I began to answer with, I don't know since... and J pipes up Not long enough!
I laughed and so did she. Realistically he's a little fucker but I love it and he makes me laugh.
Then later she was asking a question and J was like I don't know ask B. And so she asks and this girl R was like so basically B can you do everything?! And J walked away as she said it and I'm like what did you say? Would you like to repeat it louder?
Haha I think he saw it coming so he left. Still, love the little fucker.

The Secret.

I love him. I want to be with him. Forever.

Forever alone

A good friend of mine got engaged today. I'm incredibly happy for HJR but at the same time it was a shot to the heart. Sometimes I feel like I'll be alone forever.

Exhausted.

I have worked a disgusting amount this week. Friday to Sunday I worked over 30 hours and I was done before 8 today. Thursday I worked probably around 8-9 and Wednesday I worked around 6. Since Wednesday, I've made over a grand in tips alone.