I'm writing a book. Er, well, maybe excerpts of a book I want to write. Or maybe, excerpts of a book I'll never write.
I was writing a section about sofaking and some of this stuff is like 13 years ago so my memory is a little foggy. I started reading about these things that I experienced so long ago. I was an entirely different person.
On this blog, there is a quote in the upper lefthand corner, and it says, "if you could love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you could love the right one". And while I was reading through this, my husband brought me a coffee and a macaron, and today's advent calendar chocolate to share. We are living on the other side of the world. And tears just poured out of my eyes and he was like, "why are you crying". And I said, it's just so beautiful. You are everything I've ever wished for.
When I read through this, I feel such a strange nostalgia. I feel such a sad aspect of my life and how beautiful of a human number 12 was. He was never the right person, and I wanted him to be so badly. But I never had that level of 'in love' with him. And he deserved so much better from me.
When I read about big brother, I feel so sad. What a beautiful friendship. Sending that guy so much love and so much gratitude for the beauty of the time we were blessed to spend together.