realizations.

I guess it doesn't matter who you are, relationships are complicated. LG and I have been friends for like 9 years now. And despite the fights we've had, we both know the other is always there, especially me being there. But lately we haven't been close at all. Her and her boyfriend got back together and I didn't even know about it. Well, I knew but not because she told me. She won't talk to be about it because I tell her the truth about what I think. I mean if I thought NB needed to rethink her relationship with CK I'd tell her, and I have. If I thought C was a major dick and treated S like shit, I'd tell her. I know that my opinion can be overbearing sometimes, but my opinion is honest and it is straightforward. I mean in some cases I tone it down but at the end of the day, I refuse to watch my friends get hurt without warning them of what I see coming. If they choose to continue on that path, that is their perogative and I will be there to support them but if I can make it just a little bit easier then that's what matters to me. And it's because I would rather my friends tell me their honest opinion and then let me make my own mistakes with their support in mind.
LG and PS broke up for a valid reason. He abused her more than once. And I don't want to upplay it like he beat her or anything but he did overexert physical force on more than one occasion and not in like a rough sex kind of way. And when they broke up, she was a mess. Her head was pretty screwed up but she made some choices. She chose to makeout with CK, his best friend. Poor choice maybe, but it happened and maybe it needed too. And now somehow, LG and PS are back together and he is mad at her for kissing his best friend while they weren't dating but she's completely okay with the way he treated her.
I don't know it just doesn't seem right to me. She won't talk to me about it because she knows that I don't approve of it. And I don't agree with it and I don't support her decision to be with him but I support her. It's not my relationship, so I just have to respect her decision and be there to pick up the pieces, and I will be. I understand why she doensn't talk to me about it, because it upsets me. As I think it would upset any normal person that has dealt with anything similar. I mean I am the only person who knows NC was repeatedly abused by her ex-boyfriend and it is a big pill to swallow.
I guess it just kind of reiterates things for me. LG will always choose something over me. And she will always come back to me, because I let her. And I think I'm okay with that. I don't confide in her the way she confides in me and I never will. But I understand what it's like to be with someone even when you know it's not necessarily best for you but you love them. And some days, the feeling of comfort or for me safety in his arms, was enough to put up with the rest of the garbage in our relationship just to feel that for a short time. I mean he's her first love, I get it. And we all want our first true love to be our last.
I suppose it's just another thing for me to remember why I keep her where I do. It's why I keep my world arm's reach away. And it's why I am the way I am in a lot of ways. I don't believe in the best of people as much as I wish I did. I want to believe in the best, but I rarely do.