guess what!

For the first time in years, I have a crush on someone that is not a Taurus or Aries. I know how ridiculous that sounds but I legitimately always fall for late March/April/ early May babies. It sounds stupid but I'm super attracted to them for some reason. It's ironic because Aries and Virgo are one of the worst possible matches and Taurus and Virgo are marriage material. I'm crushing on a Gemini right now. And from what I've read it's not a bad pairing.
I know lots of people think horoscopes are silly but a lot of the time they're pretty accurate, at least for me. And some people say they just say really general stuff that anyone can make about them and sometimes I kind of agree but other days it's much to close to my heart to just assume it's general. I always look at how matched of horoscopes people are in a relationship because as much as we don't realize it, our birthdays have a lot to do with who we are. Not only the day, but the year, the month, it all adds to personality. And I don't completely cross off a relationship because someone doesn't suit me well according to a horoscope but I'd be more cautious entering a relationship with someone I don't seem to mesh well with. For example, Aries and Virgo have a high match for sex life... and yeah that's all good and fun but you can't build a lasting relationship on good sex alone. And I'd rather not waste my time like that because I'm not a slut.
And it's probably one of the issues with why I am not dating a boy. I don't want to date a boy just to date a boy. We're not sixteen. And even when I was, I've only ever wanted to date a boy I could see a future with because if you can't see a future what's the point. And I probably take things too seriously for my own good sometimes and I'm not saying I'm ready to get married by any means but I also don't want to be with someone just to say I  have someone. I want a relationship that makes me happy. I want a relationship that makes me so excited to start a new day because it's another one I get to spend with him. I'm sure boys are scared off by the fact that I'm so serious about most things. And I am, I take things seriously and I'm not here to fuck around. I want to do something with my life, I want to be someone; so yes, I take things seriously. But I can also laugh at myself and have a ridiculous conversation with the boys ya know? I guess I'm saying I just want to find someone that appreciates my stability and my seriousness but will laugh with me too. I want him to encourage me to follow my dreams and have the ambition I do but I also want him to encourage me to let go every now and again.
So I have the crush now, the one that's different. Now what do I do? Where do I go from here? Do I want it to be more than a crush? Should I attempt to move forward with it? Or am I better off just being single, fun me?
I'm not the girl that needs a boy. And I think that was my biggest fault with number twelve. I started to believe that I needed him to get by. And I don't. I love him and I always will. But I don't need a boy to get me through the day. I'm strong and I'm independent and I want someone that I want to have around, not someone that I need to have around.
For as long as I can remember I always wanted to have my own career. And I don't mean job, I mean career. I want to do something real with my life, something big. And some of my friends only care about being a parent and a wife and that's just not who I am. And I can probably attribute it to the fact that my mom basically raised us on her own and we went through some pretty dark days. I never want to feel that. I never want to be in that position. I want to be able to support myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm very old fashioned in the way that I want a husband who can support me, emotionally, mentally, physically and financialy too. And you can call me shallow all you want but financial security is of grave importance to me. I want my husband to be able to take care of me. I want him to take care of me. But I don't want to need him to take care of me. Do you see the difference? I want the boy that understands how I deserve to be treated but respects that I can take care of myself.