we were fooling ourselves if either of us thought we could just stop caring about the other one, stop caring about our friendship. i have no idea what i want, i truly don't know if i even want to be friends again or if we can ever be friends again. maybe it's not in the stars and i know i'll be alright without you and you will without me, but it'd be nice to not throw away what we built. it'd be nice to not throw away the kind of friendship people try to sabotage out of pure jealousy.
i think if we want to, we could be friends again, if it's mutual. i don't want it to be like before, it can't be because i won't let it, but maybe it can be better. maybe it can be truly honest, now that you know.
i'll admit, i'm terrified to be friends again, terrified i'm going to fall back into the way it was but i really don't want that and i think that if any friendship is worth saving, it should be one like this. maybe it will fall back into like before, and i assure you that if it does, then i'm going to end it forever because i refuse to live like that again. i care about you immensely, hell you know i love you, but i refuse to live our friendship like maybe one day we'll be together. because i don't want that anymore, i don't want to be with you at all. i just want to have my best friend, the stable rock that led me through three of the most unstable years in life. i want to be able to support you like i always did. because that's who we were, we were the friends that cared so much that they'd do anything anytime if it was really needed.
i know you care and i know you, probably like me, are wondering if it's worth it to try it all again. i mean it's the same thing up and down following by a higher up and a lower down, over and over and over. that's a hard thing decison to make, but we have to make it together.
we could try and be friends, make and effort; or completely rid each other from our lives.
or we could just wait and see what life has in store for us.
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