This is the first Christmas in 5 years that I never said Mele Kalikimaka to sunshine. Crazy eh.
I was doing so good today. I almost made it through the day without saying anything to number twelve. But something inside of me knew I'd regret it if I didn't say Merry Christmas to him, so I did. I feel freer somehow. I don't know I just think that I'm really letting this go. I want to be able to fall for someone else. I want to be happy and find another boy that loves me for everything that I am, flaws and all and that treats me like gold. I want a boy that realizes how important the little things are to me. That's what I want this year.
I've strongly considered giving number twelve the letters I've written him, and include a final one, along with the two CDs I've made that remind me of him. I cannot decide if that would make me really let it go, if it would work in a simlilar way to the way I told sunshine I needed him out of my life. Or, if I'd be better off to just burn them and let them go without anyone ever reading them. I guess I have 5 days to decide.
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