In regards to the last post, I'll clear myself up. I basically mean that on any given day, every person you know is dealing with something. I mean somebody has a broken heart, somebody has money issues, somebody has health issues, somebody has self-confidence issues. You know, we're all carrying something.
It's funny how we can't just sit back and enjoy life. Take what we're given and embrace it, love the good things, learn from the bad. But instead we all just carry around this dead weight that brings us down.
I am so bad for it and I know that. I carry around what I did to number twelve, what sofaking did to me, issues with my family, how I feel about number twelve. I carry around all these things that are in the past or out of my control. And why? Why do I carry all this dead weight around, because that's what it is: dead weight. I always preach about just letting go, yet, I can't. I preach about being fearless, yet, I'm not. I preach about boys just being boys, yet, I am still head-over-heels-think-about-him-every-second-of-the-day in love with him.
And it's not that I don't appreciate what I have in my life because I really do. I love my family and my friends and that tomorrow I'll be done two years of my university. And I love my jobs and my health and all of the gifts I was blessed with. Yet, I'm not satisfied. I still beat myself up that I'm not enough, that I could've done things differently, better, that I should be further in my life, that I can do more. I'm never just happy with who I am and what I HAVE accomplished. I'm always looking at what I don't have, what I haven't accomplished yet. You know?
Is this simply just the way western society is? Am I just a crazy, neurotic, self-centered bitch? What is this?
Is it ever going to be enough?
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