Well I'm all moved in, bought all my school stuff except books, my room is completely unpacked, I have groceries and a printer. I'm all settled in. I guess it's time to tell you everything I've been avoiding facing.
I had a really fun time at my party. Prior to that I had a horrible experience on my vacay including a death of a 17 year old boy right in front of me. Number twelve and I started fighting again because I'm just so tired of him telling me he cares and showing me the exact opposite. Both silence and actions speak much louder than words and that's where I'm at now.
On Friday we had the staff party and I dressed up like Alan from the hangover (I know I am effing hilarious). I actually was really upset after it. JC ended up getting the scholarship and I really felt like after all my years and hard work there that I deserved it. But apparently they think otherwise and it just kind of solidified that my time there is done. Also, when I was out I saw PP. I think he's gone to camp this week and hopefully he'll make the NHL this year. He comes from an interesting family to say the least, but he is honestly a really nice guy. I bought him a teuila and he's like oh B, I can't I have camp this week and I'm like I don't care if you're some big hockey player, take the shot. And the ZG was paying for a drink for each of us and he handed her some cash and she's like nah I got it. He arugued and she uttered something along the same lines. Needless to say him and I ended up having a 15 minute heart to heart (that I remember NONE of) and I'm assuming I basically said you're a great guy, I effin love you, you're a good person blah blah. hahah embarrassing. Oh well. He is a very good looking, really nice and good guy.
Saturday was a whole nother story. I worked until like 11:30 at a wedding and then I went to DK's house to meet PD and AM and DK and they were really funny. Except DK is dating MK and I find her soo annoying someimes. She is so whiny and I don't exactly know why he's dating her. But anyways I took PD and C to the bar and it was majorly lame so we left. Then I went home and went to bed and it was like 1:30. So I finally fall asleep and then I get this call from NC (number twelve's) sister. And I was like wtf she stopped talking to me all summer and ignored my texts etc. Why the f is she calling me at 2:30 am??
So me being me, I answered the phone and she was bawling her eyes out and flipping out about how number 12 and antelope hunter took her out and how she is so drunk and doesn't know where she is or what bar they went to and why she's so drunk and blah blah. And so again, me being me I go pick her up. Then I get her in the car and she started puking like a disgusting amount and she's thanking me excessively. Finally I get ahold of number twelve and I'm like where the fuck are you. Get the fuck outside. I have your sister, let's go. So I get to lotus and he comes up to the car and tries to tell her to come out and she is too drunk to function so she's like no I'm staying with B. I only trust her. You left me. And having a yelling match with him. And I'm like seriously C, get in the fucking car. Then some stupid broad comes up and starts telling N and I what to do and I just drove away. So I get NC to her house but she doesn't have her keys and she's too afraid of her parents to ring the doorbell or anything that might wake them up because she is beyond retardly drunk. In this time number twelve has called/texted/ N and I thanking me and I was like fuck you. And he was just ugh. I took N to my house because she was so afraid of her parents and number twelve was still being a dick. Then SH calls N's phone and says she wants to talk to me and she starts telling me to take N home and their parents won't be mad etc. And I was like okay it has absolutely nothing to do with you so stay the fuck out of it and hung up. Like I dated the kid for 3 fucking years, I think I know his parents better than you sweetheart. I was so annoyed. Then I got her in my house and she was permanently attached to the toilet. After 2 hours of non-stop violent puking I called her mom and she came and got her.
Next day number twelve texts me and says hey thanks for taking care of N and I'm sorry if I said anything I shouldn't. My response was basically this: "For the first time in a long time, it wasn't about you for me. It's not about what you said, it's the way you handled the entire situation. You're clearly not ready to have any sort of mature relationship of friendship with me yet and I'm tired of you treating me like this. Hopefully one day you'll figure it out, but for now I just don't deserve to be treated like this. You're not sorry and it's not okay."
He responded with, " Oh I agree but I also don't even know what direction to comment. Have fun in L."
I replied, " You don't need to comment. Just grow up and stop treating me like this? I'm over being treated like this. It's been over a year and it's not fair to me and I don't deserve it. You mean a lot to me but I can't just let you treat me brutal all the time. I want great things for you in your life, you know that. I just wish you'd grant me the same respect."
He didn't answer. And to be perfectly honest, I'm okay with that. I just don't want him to talk to me at all or be in my life at all if this is how it's going to me. I'm hurting but a whole lot less than usual. I'm so proud of myself for really standing up to him and telling him how I feel and that it's not okay to treat me like this. I'm so tired him putting all the blame for our relationship failing on me. I may have cheated, but there were things that led me there. And I worked my ass off to fix things by being honest and working on myself and our relationship and he isn't mature enough to deal with it in a reasonable way. So I just have to let go for awhile. I love him so much but I refuse to be a doormat. I'm better than that. And now I'm going to show him what he's missing.
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